Our Three Bean Circus

have you found the new blog?

2011-08-08T22:23:00.000-07:00

Have you found my new blog yet?

There's a new post and another one coming tomorrow. Make sure and "follow" me over there so you can continue getting my blog updates!

You can also LIKE my new page on Facebook!

come EMBRACE my NEW blog!

2011-08-04T21:43:00.000-07:00

I have a brand spankin' new blog!

Come check it out!

I've migrated all my previous posts over and of course there is a brand new one introducing the new site.

I have a brand new URL, so you'll need "Follow" me over there and update your RSS feed if you use a Reader.

Can't wait to hear what you think!

*I've disabled comments here. Come comment on the new site*

pardon my absence...

2011-07-19T21:21:00.000-07:00

First of all, summer is kicking my butt! The kids have so much energy and are constantly wanting to do something new or different. And Lily at 2 and a half wants to do whatever her big sisters are doing. And she needs supervision most of the time.

My kids are also eating a TON! We send snacks and lunch to Grandma's house and today they ate all the food we sent, plus a bunch of her food. And they are only 7, 4 and 2. And they are girls. I can't imagine if they were boys, who typically are said to eat more. I'm going to try a few recipes this weekend for homemade energy bits and fiber bars.

Secondly, Bean and I are doing Insanity. Today was Day 9. Of 63. There's one rest day per week, and one day of Yoga, but it's pretty intense. Insane if you will. Most days we workout right after work, before dinner. In the backyard with the laptop because the fresh air (even though it's hot) and the space is much nicer than our small, stuffy living room.

These workouts kill me. In a good way. But still, they kill me. By the time we get through dinner and getting the kids to bed, I am toast--physically and mentally. My brain power for blogging is mush.

Thirdly, I have a new blog in the works! Like with my own url and everything. Which is connected to the mush in my brain right now. The design is there, thanks to my friend Liz. But I still have a lot to do on my end. But, the mush.

My goal is to launch it by August 1st. But in the meantime, when I do have brainpower, I'm going to put it towards the new blog.

So, there is a reason behind my absence. But you can always find me here and a little bit here too.

a good morning!

2011-07-13T10:17:00.000-07:00

Another quick update:

Lily woke up with a normal temperature today! This is the first time her temp has been normal (98.6 or below) since this all started last Monday. And we didn't need to give her any medication during the night. I'm really hoping her fever doesn't return this afternoon.

My awesome doctor's office called again and my Pediatrician consulted with the Immunologist and the Immunologist feels that Lily has Periodic Fever Syndrome, which my doctor has mentioned before also. My nephew was also diagnosed with this syndrome, although the removal of his tonsils (which coincided with his 3rd birthday) significantly decreased his fevers.

I'm still going to keep an eye on Lily's joints and will ask the Immunologist about it as well. We will get to see him late next week now, instead of August.

Most of all, I was thrilled that she didn't have an elevated temperature this morning. I feel like my other girls have been neglected a bit through all of this and I'm hoping for a couple of fun days with them all when I'm off the next two days. We're gonna hit the beach!

the latest on Lily (calling all medical sleuths)

2011-07-12T22:34:00.000-07:00

I wish I could say she was back to normal, or that we've figured out what's going on.

But she isn't, and we haven't.

My pediatricians office considers a temperature of 101 or higher a fever. Lily's temperature seems to spike to a fever later in the afternoon. Her temperature has not been below 99 since we came home from the hospital. Monday it spiked to 102.6 and this afternoon it was 101.4.

I talk to the nurse at the doctor's office daily. They are trying to get us an earlier appointment with the immunologist. Our current appointment is at the end of August.

Lily has continued to complain about pain in her legs. The antibiotic shots she received two days in a row last week are quite painful, but usually that pain dissipates after 72-hours, and that was the case when she had the shots last month. It seems that her joints might be bothering her. This morning she didn't want to step up a curb, saying that her legs hurt.

Joint pain and the fatigue she still has and the fevers could point to a juvenile arthritis. I'm still trying to determine where the pain is from and how present it is. Lily was very opposed to me touching and flexing her leg joints when I told her what I was doing. I'm experimenting with manipulating her legs without warning to see her reaction. A few times she has withdrawn from me but once she didn't have much of a reaction.

If you love a good medical mystery, feel free to Google my kid and give me suggestions of what to check for or consider! Anything is game at this point.

While I'm not overly worried, I am concerned and very frustrated. It's also challenging because Lily is very fussy at times and wakes up with an elevated temperature at least once a night. I want my happy, playful baby back.

I am thankful serious things like leukemia have been ruled out, so I'm not letting my mind get away from me, but it has to be something.

this is the fever that never ends

2011-07-10T21:30:00.000-07:00

If you follow me on Twitter, you know that it's been quite the week for us. I shared this sad photo on Wednesday. It was a rough week for our Lily-bug.

Monday (July 4) she woke up from her nap a little out of it and fussy. By 4:30 we realized she had a fever. After last month's episode, I knew she needed a doctor visit immediately. We went for bloodwork first on Tuesday morning and then visited the doctor on Tuesday afternoon with the results. Once again, her white count and CRP were elevated. Poor munchkin had to get antibiotic shots again. (click to read about my crazy Tuesday)

Wednesday afternoon, her fever was still raging, so we went back for more shots. As soon as I tell Lily we are going to the doctor or when she recognizes the landmarks as we drive, she says "all better, no doctor" in the saddest, sickest voice. And Thursday, fever still there. We paid a lot of co-pays this week. The doctor said if Lily's fever went up to 101 on Friday, he would admit her to the hospital.

So, guess where we ended up on Friday evening?

She actually looks happy here. Which was obviously before the IV. When a fever-reducer was in effect in her body, she was pleasant and would even play some. But once her fever kicked up, she was one sick little girl.

It was an intense 24 hours. I have such a new respect and understanding for parents of chronically ill children who spend a lot of time in the hospital. At times I felt like I was in a different country. Everything was focused on Lily's health.

They did a pretty full work-up on her including an x-ray and ultrasound. Thankfully, they didn't find anything serious going on, which was our biggest concern. Lily was pretty dehydrated, so being on an IV for 24 hours was a very positive thing. Her urine output had been very little and the IV increased it dramatically, which helped with the fever.

Unfortunately, they weren't able to identify the source of the fever and since it stayed low while we were there, they felt good discharging her. Since she had improved and actual sleep and rest in a hospital is difficult, we were comfortable with that. Her temperature has stayed 1-2 degrees above normal, but overall she is improving.

We will be seeing an immunologist to follow-up and hopefully figure out why Lily has these frequent fevers and if they are infections or viruses or another cause. Right now I'm focusing on the fact that she is improving and even though this is the 7th day of her fever, it is very low and decreasing. It is concerning to me that she has had 15 fevers in 13 months.

I am very happy that Lily is in her own bed tonight (and keeps calling us for silly things tonight) instead of in a hospital bed. Although she actually was never in the hospital bed because it was a crib that she wanted nothing to do with. She spent her time in the fold out bed if she wasn't in my lap.

More pictures tomorrow and things I learned being in the hospital with my daughter.

Wordless Wednesday: sick, sick, sick

2011-07-06T23:22:00.001-07:00

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

this day

2011-07-05T17:48:00.000-07:00

I have been trying to live by the phrase "embrace this day." I read it somewhere on the interwebs more than a year ago. And it keeps coming back to me.

The idea being, I need to live the day, whatever it holds, the good and the bad. There will be things about each day that I wish were different, there will be challenges and circumstances beyond my control. But wallowing in self-pity and always looking at the "greener" grass in someone else's life will get me nowhere.

If I trust God, I trust what each day holds. I need to be able to say, "this is the day the Lord made" even when I don't like what it's the day. To embrace this day, as well as those days.

You'll be hearing more about this from me soon.

But...today, has been one of "those days". A day that I struggle to embrace. A day that threatens to swallow me.

I've had a cold for almost a week now. Sunday it took my voice, which has been lovely. I sound like a lifelong smoker today. Monday I ran a 9.3 mile race. I enjoyed it, but it was tough due to the cold, difficulty breathing and a very nasty raw piece of foot. The house is a disaster, because we've been having too much fun this holiday weekend.

I was up at 5am on Monday for my race. I arrived back home around 9:30am and we headed to Bean's moms condo to swim for a bit. I tried to nap in the afternoon, but for some reason was only succesful in heavy dozing and daydreaming.

We headed to some friends for a 4th of July tradition of BBQ, sundaes and firework viewing from their front driveway. Within 30 minutes of arrival, Lily was hit hard with illness. Again. Her fever quickly rose and I ran to get some Motrin. She perked up for a few hours, but was down again later in the evening.

It was a difficult night for her. Bean and I didn't get much sleep.

VBS started today for the older girls. I was able to call the doctor office and get them to order bloodwork in light of last months illness episode. This way I could go to an afternoon appointment with bloodwork results already in.

This was my morning.

Pick up my niece (on my way, so no big deal)
Drop three girls at church for VBS
Drive 20 minutes to lab...stopping off to get cash because I have to pay for parking
Call the DMV 800 number to reschedule an appointment I had this afternoon for my expired license because I needed to bring Lily to the doctor instead.
The lab doesn't have our bloodwork orders
While I'm calling the doctor's office, the DMV calls me back, and it takes FOREVER for her to reschedule my appointment.
Call the doctor office again. Leave a message. Call the emergency line, which I guess was for true life-threatening emergencies. They call me back and I wait on hold again to talk to the nurse.
The doctor hasn't signed the orders, so he does. grrrrrr
Finally get the bloodwork done. This was our third visit, and she knows what's coming. On our way there, in her lethargic voice she said "all better, no doctor."
Take Lily to my mother-in-law's
Race to work for a meeting, for which they are waiting for me
Almost to work and the nurse calls. Bloodwork is already back and her counts show infection again.
Meeting, coordinating kids for the afternoon, speed through the must-do's for today at work (already a short week with the Monday holiday)
Pick up Lily and spend over an hour at the doctor waiting, talking, getting shots and waiting some more

It has been a difficult day to find gifts. But I've tried. I didn't get to eat lunch. Which resulted in a headache, which I still have. It's sticky today. I've had a feverish baby laying on me much of the day.

Oh, did I mention I stunk? And I was a sticky, sweaty mess myself? I've been experimenting with wearing deodorant only (no antiperspirant). Today the deodorant wasn't strong enough. (thankfully I have back-up antiperspirant in my desk). It was also the wrong day to wear a skirt. I'm pretty sure I flashed a few people at the lab when I stood up with my hot, heavy toddler and my skirt was stuck to my skin and all bunched up. Sorry folks.

A hard day to embrace.

But I have a flexible job that cares about my family and is supportive of my priorities as a mommy. I was smart enough to request bloodwork first, instead of two visits to the doctor office in one day. I was really hoping it wouldn't show anything. But the pattern is the same, and deep down I knew.

I just wish I really knew what was going on. I wish someone knew. Toddlers shouldn't get strong bacterial infections 4 weeks apart. They are doing a few cultures to try and identify the bacteria. And waiting to see if the antibiotic shots knock down the fever.

Looking back, I see I never posted a true follow-up to last month's illness. Her urine culture never grew anything. So the doctor said there was no way of knowing exactly where the bacteria originated from and how long it had been around, since she's been having these monthly fevers almost all year. Repeat bloodwork was normal, so we thought all was good. Guess not, because this nasty thing is back.

I just want answers.

Those I can embrace.

Happy long weekend

2011-07-02T21:10:00.000-07:00

Practicing Yankee Doodle Dandee for church on Sunday.

All-Star Baseball games, dusty lots & blazing heat.

Sprinklers topped with otter pops.

BBQ and family.

Bathing suits on doorknobs all through the house.

Summer is here. June and most of her gloom are gone. My quarter-Mexican (with a dash of Cherokee) children are bronzing quite nicely.

However this mama is trying to not get pink and achieve a slightly darker shade of white.

I hope you are enjoying your long weekend. Ours is full as always, but we are together and thats what matters most.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

a little easier

2011-06-29T12:28:00.000-07:00

It's summertime!

And the living is ~~easy~~ a little easier.

It always happens when summer hits, especially now that I have one child in school. I ask myself, "why didn't I become a teacher?" Because being off for the summer, stretching your 9 or 10 months of paychecks into 12 months, sounds pretty nice and doable. But then I remember what it would mean to teach in a class all day everyday for 9 months, and I'm incredibly thankful to those who are called to be teachers. Because although I probably would make an okay teacher, it just doesn't sound all that appealing. Now teaching college students, I could do. But it doesn't pay enough and it's hard to break into.

But still, in the summertime, the living is a little easier for me, and I appreciate it.

Although I still have to get up 4 days a week and get myself to work, the kids don't need to be up as early. They can sleep in and just throw on whatever clothes they want. There is no rush to get Miss Rose to eat breakfast before school. I don't stress as much about messy hair. And in our house of curly-heads, there is a lot of that.

On Mondays, the kids are at home with a babysitter. Tuesdays and Wednesdays they head to Grammie's house for the day where swimming in her condo pool is usually one of the orders of the day. Sundays is a work day for me, but since Bean is home, there is no rush out the door for them. Although Bean does have quite the task of readying three girls for church on his own. They wear jeans and tshirts a lot, but that's ok.

We don't have to rush to eat dinner by 5:30pm, in order to give time for reading, homework, showers and family time and bed by 7:30pm. The younger girls are still going to bed around 7:30, but we have started letting Miss Rose stay up until 8pm since she now has her own room. There are a few kids on our street she enjoys playing with who get home a lot later with their single moms and it's nice when she wants to go ride scooters at 6:30pm to say--sure, go for it.

We all love Thursdays. Finally a morning they can sleep as long as they want. Although Lily is usually up by 7am and her greeting lately is "hungry." But we stay in our jammies for a while, I drink a leisurely cup of coffee (or splurge on two) and the girls enjoy a lazy morning of a few shows and running around playing with each other. They all often end up in their underwear, or shirtless.

Come mid-August, we will all be ready for more routine again and Miss Rose will need the intellectual stimulation of school. We'll make sure to hit the beach a few more times and all our local funspots before school starts after Labor Day.

But for now, we're enjoying some easier living.

I'm linking up today with Work, Wife, Mom, Life. Even if you aren't a working mom, tell me how you're enjoying summer so far.

this & that

2011-06-28T21:36:00.000-07:00

It's been six days since I last blogged! I am inspired during the day for various blog posts, but by the time the evening hits, I'm so tired and have lost all my ideas.

So here's some this & that, also know as micro-blogging :) (are smiley faces professional in blogging? Probably not, but I still like typing them)

Miss Rose & Gracie began their second week of swim lessons today. They are both really enjoying them and Gracie is learning to swim! Hopefully once her lessons are done we can ditch her floaties for good. Miss Rose has a pretty strong and broad upper body. I'd love to have her on a swim team sometime in the next few years and see how she does. She love the water. They get to swim at their Grammie's house quite a bit.

Lily is having some potty-training regression right now, which is driving me crazy. She's been almost fully-trained for a few months now. After the first few days she didn't have any daytime accidents, starting staying dry during naps and 4-5 nights a week her pull-up is dry.

And now all of the sudden she has had 2 days in a row of naptime accidents and peed in the highchair, on the carpet and the couch. And I know it's a control issue because one time she told me she wanted to go pee in her highchair and yesterday she told the babysitter it was apple juice in the highchair not pee. This is a sneaky one.

I am not sure what's causing it. Nothing has changed. Hopefully after having several days off in a row later this week I can get her snapped out of it. That's one of the hard things about being a working mom, you can't deal with this stuff right away.

Bean is out on the town at a punk rock show, re-living the days of his youth. I've been to a lot of punk rock shows myself. He doesn't do a lot of fun, social events--so I'm always very happy when he does. Everyone needs that.

I am SO in on this book series right now. I confess, I've loved Christian fiction my whole life. I've always been a reader and I devoured the church library as a girl and continued on. I read fiction books so fast though, I typically wait until the local library has them and I check them out.

But on my birthday, I splurged for a Kindle version of the first book in the series, which I read on my iPhone Kindle (LOVE!). And I couldn't wait for the second book, which was just released. So I bought it from Amazon and it came yesterday. Maybe I finished reading it tonight. I bought the actual book and figured I'll try to re-sell it on Amazon . And now I have to wait until Fall for the next book and March 2012 for the last one.

Karen Kingsbury's tagline is "life-changing fiction" and I can't tell you how many times a Biblical truth or scripture verse from one of her books (or the countless other authors I have read) sticks with me and inspires me.

For instance, Ezra 10:4 is quoted in the book I just finished and it's really stuck with me.

"Rise up; this matter is in your hands. We will support you, so take courage and do it.”

It doesn't necessarily apply to any current situation in my life, but it's a great verse and I'll remember it.

Sometime during the night, I got a sore throat. And it hasn't gone away. I feel a little under the weather. I really hope I don't get a full blown cold. Because it's summer, and a cold in the summer is the pits. And I have a race on Monday that I want to feel good for.

Today I realized I have a long weekend, kind of. I have church on Sunday, but Monday is a holiday!

I told myself I'd get to bed early tonight, since Bean isn't home. He doesn't need as much sleep as me and I always stay up too late with him.

Toodles!

where I'm from

2011-06-22T22:17:00.000-07:00

I read this on Stephanie's blog and I was so captivated, I had to join in.

I am from books, from Diet Coke [although not anymore]
and coonskin caps.
I am from many houses, all made home by family and
Ancient sheets and towels and rattan furniture.
I am from the roses and homegrown sprouts
I am from waiting until Christmas Eve to get a tree and
Playing guitar and singing as a family,
From YZ and Rose and Marie Durfey.
I am from the brutally honest and laughing your way through tragedy.
From "rub a dub dub thanks for the grub"
and children should be seen and not heard.
I am from grace and forgiveness, from healing and wholeness,
from friendship and relationship with Jesus and the gift of his Spirit.
I'm from Seattle, San Diego, Texas and Louisiana,
Texas Sheet Cake and Cheez-its, black beans and rice
From the family who folded newspapers together, rode bikes and sat on the back of station wagons to deliver them.
From siblings who share the same nose,
the same voice and facial expressions, saying both like "bolth"
who share memories and life, but really look nothing alike.
From grandparents who collected and
Grandparents who never figured it out.
I am from miniature doll houses, Davy Crockett and Daniel Boone,
from Little House On the Prairie and homeschooling.
From baby dolls, but never Barbies.
I am from a little girl, full of dreams, plans and desires
Living them out in ways unexpected
Trusting. Embracing. Believing. Hoping. Dreaming.

If you'd like to join, here's the original and a template. Link up in the comments on Steph's blog too!

almost wordless wednesday: the fair

2011-06-21T21:51:00.000-07:00

{a very loaded down stroller}

{beauty}

Miss Rose was turning their cup SO fast, Gracie looked petrified, although she was having fun.

We had to yell to Miss Rose to slow it down

{teacups}

{my girly girl and her necklace and her current favorite outfit, a skirt and matching tank top with Ariel on them}

She really wanted me to go on the ride with her. Please note my knees out to the side and how squashed she is because these really aren't made for adults. But she loved having me with her and that's all that mattered.

{go carts}

{how sweet is her smile?}

{we cannot believe how big our skater girl is getting. she wears that hat almost every day}

And for fun, check out our trip to the Fair in 2008. I guess I failed to blog the other years. Interestingly enough, I was very newly pregnant with Lily in these photos--a fact I was completely unaware of and wouldn't learn for another month or so!

micro-blogging

2011-06-20T22:09:00.000-07:00

I seem to lack the time and the dedication to keep up with life happenings on this blog. So here are five micro-blogs.

We went to the fair on Friday and had lots of fun. I love annual events like this. I remember going with my mom when Miss Rose was 3 and Gracie was just an infant. And then they were 4 and 1, and we went as a family for the first time. And I was unknowingly pregnant with Lily at the time. And we've been there every year since.

Sunday was Father's Day. And my 34th birthday. I spoiled Bean and it felt good. I should spoil him more often. But I guess if we both were prone to spoiling the other, we'd be super broke! Maybe we both need to find balance.

Even though Sunday was my birthday, I wanted it to be a special day for Bean, and I spent the morning at church of course. So I took today off for "self-appreciation." I got a mani/pedi, did some shopping, went for a run. A couple bumps in the road made it slightly less than perfect, but it was nice to choose what I wanted to do all day.

I have 34 reasons that show I'm getting older. Feeling older. Acting older. Looking older. I'm working on embracing it, but it's not always my favorite.

Girls are just as crazy as boys. You may think that because we have three girls, that our lives are not as full of chaos, energy and craziness as a family of three boys. I beg to differ with that opinion. Come over some day, when my beautiful daughters are running around our small home playing tag, sliding in their socks on the wood floor, wrestling, yelling, hitting and kicking one another for fun, dancing, stripping down to their panties to do these activities, and the list goes on. My girls are rough and tumble. That's for sure.

I may or may not get to elaborate on these topics. May not is more likely.

Kicking it off

2011-06-17T11:20:00.001-07:00

Monday was this girl's last day of school.

Thursday was my first day off this week and we had some fun at Sea World.

And today, the fair!! With Daddy!

We are having our usual "June Gloom" but we are kicking summer off nonetheless.

(sorry for the wonky spacing...can't get it to change after posting from my phone)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

alone together

2011-06-12T21:44:00.001-07:00

The Mister and I had a wonderful day together on Saturday. It was the second meeting of a marriage discipleship group we are a part of. It's geared towards investing time in ourselves individually and as a couple, with God. It's such a great experience. We highly respect the leaders of the group (in fact, one of the pastors who married us) and we couldn't say no!

It's an incredible maneuver coordinating our life to have an entire day away from the children and life. The group meets about 100 miles away, so drive time is involved too. Last time we took the kids to my sister's house who lives near there, but this time she was going to be in town and stayed with them at our house.

Our marriage is worth the investment. Even when this group is over, I hope to keep up this routine of getting away, even if it's only half a day, at least every few months. We spend time by ourselves and time together and a small amount of time sharing as a group. It's such a rich time.

We meet across the street from the beach. It was cool and overcast in the morning and the beach was deserted. Perfect. I spent 2 hours with my Bible, my journal, our guide for the morning and music. Sometimes I like the beach best when it's like this.

Once we joined back together, Bean and I headed to another local beach area for lunch. The Wedge is a rather famous spot and we saw a few good sets. There were a few more people there, but it still wasn't too busy.

I love roses. Someday I want to have a rose garden. Or at least a bunch of rose bushes.

A day with this man? Perfect.

We capped the night with dinner with lifelong friends...about 10 of them. We have a number of good, lifelong friends who live in the area and almost all of them were able to meet us for dinner before we headed up.

My heart is full.

how we roll on a Thursday...in photos

2011-06-09T22:13:00.001-07:00

I've posted before about how slow most Thursdays are. I've just worked 4 days in a row. My kids have been up and ready early and haven't had a lot of time with mom and dad. Wednesday nights we are at church.

So Thursday mornings are bliss. We don't have to get dressed, well except for Miss Rose going to school (although this is her last full week!). If it's my week to drive, usually the rest of us are still in jammies in the minivan. I try to not schedule things early, if anything at all.

Do you know that even kids of two-working-parents get tired during the work-week? I can tell on Thursdays, my kids are tired. They are ready to be in their own home all day and play with their own toys. Sometimes they resist getting dressed at all during the day. I let them lounge on the couch and watch a little extra TV. They love to play, so if they are actually still, watching a show, I know they need the downtime.

Not a lot of housework gets done in the early part of the week. Sometimes I get an urge to do deep cleaning or organization on Thursdays. Today was one of those days. It was gloomy all day--typical June for us--but it made me want to hunker down in the house, and the girls didn't mind either.

A few weeks ago I moved Miss Rose into Lily's room and moved Lily in with Maleah. Miss Rose actually was the only one who had a hard time the first night, but it's been great. However, the little girls' room still needed a lot of attention. So I decided to tackle it today.

I love the cubbies. But they get crammed full of random stuff so easily. And stuffed animals. We have so many. But Gracie knows each and every one. I don't have the heart to get rid of them because she truly cycles through them all.

So I organized, cleaned, and threw stuff away while the girls played. Gracie loves weddings and requested to wear a wedding dress. So it was flower girl dress day for a few hours. Gracie played with her figurines. She has such a wonderful imagination. Even if a lot of the talk is about boyfriends, girlfriends and Justin Beiber.

Lily was a little mama, singing Jesus Loves Me to her baby over and over again. Melt my heart! She has the melody of the song down really well, but you can only make out every few words. I recorded her singing it on my iPhone. Sometime I'll figure out how to get the clip on her for you to hear it. Absolutely precious.

I rolled in my pajamas. All.Day. It was yoga pants and a tshirt. But still, I did sleep in them last night. Sometimes though, that's how you roll. Once I made it past lunch, what was the point of changing? And my neighbor was able to pick Miss Rose up from school, so no need to get dressed for pick-up (which requires walking into the school). I didn't get in the van once today. If I had a picture, I'd share. But, oh shame, I don't.

We did walk about half a mile to sign Gracie up for soccer, and half a mile back. I just threw on a sweatshirt and we went. Gracie rode her Coaster Car the whole way. This is what happens when she rides her coaster car. She flies on that thing. And propels herself with her toes.

Thankfully, we have a lot of hand me down shoes from friends and Miss Rose. She's gone through about 4 pairs already. I need to invent shoes that have thick rubber soles on the toes. I try to limit the shoes she wears to ride her car, but inevitably she gets out there without me noticing what shoes she is wearing, or it's when a babysitter is here, and once the damage begins, might as well make them play shoes. These were super cute shoes though and I'm sad they met this fate.

Gracie is excited about soccer. She will either be the girl picking flowers from the grass, or she will be up in the mix. It's really hard to say. She wanted to wear her practice shirt to bed, although she didn't want a picture taken. She has normal eyes. I promise.

In the midst of cleaning and playing, Lily wanted to climb into a wooden cradle. This cradle is older than I am. There are photos of me laying in it as a newborn (for fun, not for function). Then, Lily was taking pictures while in the cradle. I love these chubby feet.

When we got home from soccer sign-ups, I had to change into fresh pajamas. After 24 hours in those ones, I couldn't bear another 12.

Oh, and Miss Rose's haircut? Here it is in the salon, blown dry. She wasn't a fan of the flip at the bottom.

The other day I told her she should do extra chores and earn money to buy me a super nice birthday present. She said, "I know what I'll give you. A...big...chunk...of...love." Sweet. And sassy. Doesn't want to spend her money on mama. That's ok. I'd rather have her love anyday.

Most days her hair is crazy as ever. Just like her.

And, that's how we roll.

(oh, I do have somewhat of a conclusion to the saga of Lily's illness this week. She is doing much better. I'll post about it tomorrow)

when it doesn't pay to be a medical-info junkie

2011-06-07T15:49:00.000-07:00

I've always been fascinated by all things related to the medical practice. I didn't play house with my dolls, I played hospital. When I was 9, I got a bad case of chicken pox and then I passed them on to my three younger siblings. Since I had them first, I got better before they did. My mom still has charts I made to keep track of their medicine dosage.

Some of my friends tease me about how much I know about illnesses, diseases, medical procedures etc. I love most medical shows. My friends call or text me their medical questions.

When it comes to my kids, this fascination I have is usually a positive thing. I typically know when my kids have an infection and need antibiotics or when it's just a virus. I hate wasting the $15 co-pay to be told it's a virus and will have to work itself out. So I learned and listened to the doctors explain things.

However, it also means I tend to overthink medical things. Like right now. Lily still had a 103 fever this morning and was downright miserable. I was hoping to go to work and leave her with my mother-in-law to rest and watch movies. But she needed so much attention this morning that I knew she needed mama.

The doctor told me yesterday that after the antibiotic shots I should see some improvement today. Still having a 104 fever at 4am and then 103 at 9am was not on par with the improvement I was expecting.

I spoke with the nurse who told me some signs to look for of other serious medical issues that would necessitate an immediate appointment (none of which she has). He also told me that so far, her urine culture wasn't growing anything. If she does have a UTI, the culture will grow the infection. (sorry if that just grossed you out.) 24 hours is the typical incubation period, and it had only been about half that when I talked to him. Which is why our follow-up appointment is on Wednesday, when those results will be conclusive.

And now my mind races. What if it isn't a UTI? Where is the infection in her? How did she go from perfectly fine on Saturday night, to an average fever on Sunday to a raging fever on Monday complete with a bad bacterial infection.

This is when it doesn't pay to be a medical info junkie.

I'm thankful I was able to stay home and care for her today and her fever is coming down, a degree at a time. The antibiotic she received yesterday is effective for a wide range of infections so we are on the road to recovery.

We'll see what our follow-up appointment holds tomorrow.

"grossly abnormal" makes a mama nervous

2011-06-06T20:59:00.000-07:00

In true Mama Bear fashion, I marched my feverish Lilybug to the doctor this morning, determined to leave with more than "it's a virus." It may be a virus. But then she's getting a virus every 3-4 weeks, which I don't feel is reasonably normal.

I love my pediatrician. Most of the time. We go to a practice with several ped's but we see one particular doctor the most (he's the "headlining ped" there). He sounds like Ben Stein. He's a middle-aged Jewish man who talks to me about how he prepares ribs and chastises me when I don't bring Miss Rose in soon enough when her allergies turn into a sinus infection. Sometimes he's a little old fashioned in his thinking, but I can easily brush that off.

I wasn't sure today whether I'd love him or be annoyed with him. No one is perfect.

Turns out I love him.

While Lily showed no symptoms beyond a fever and a red throat, he listened carefully to my concerns about the reoccurring fevers and he spent a lot of time looking at her records. Since her latest illnesses didn't have any upper respiratory symptoms he wanted to investigate the possibility of a fever syndrome and refer her to Infectious Disease. He ordered bloodwork, which was of course at a different location. I debated getting it done today or waiting until tomorrow.

I decided to just get it done today. They told me the basic work-up results would be available later in the day, but the main test he wanted would take a few days.

So I was a little surprised to get a phone call this afternoon asking if I could bring Lily back in because the doctor was concerned she had a bacterial infection. When I asked exactly when to come--she said come now, and she'd notify the front office we were coming.

That makes a mama bit nervous. I was trying to figure out what infection she might have that required us returning and what it meant.

So I left work early, got Lily and went back to the doctor. They wanted a urine sample from her. She's potty-trained now, but miserable with fever and a little confused why mama is holding a cup in the toilet under her. She just cried during my first two attempts. If I couldn't get her to pee in the cup, they'd have to catheterize her--which is awful. It's been done before. I prayed out loud in the bathroom before attempt number three, and she PEED IN THE CUP! It's the little things, that are the biggest, you know.

The doctor walks in and says " well, her bloodwork came back grossly abnormal." REALLY? Did you need to use that phrase?! One of the tests should be at a 1, she was at 13! Her urine test showed a lot of infection. Enough that she needed two antibiotic shots in her legs. It was A LOT of medicine in that syringe going into her legs. Which are very sore tonight.

We go in on Wednesday for a follow-up. I got the feeling the doctor wants to make sure the UTI is all that is going on since her bloodwork was so off. He said she should be much better in the morning due to the antibiotic shots today.

I am blessed to have a otherwise healthy child though. It gave me a new perspective on parents with children with terrible diseases and chronic illness.

I am blessed we have great insurance from Bean's job. I am blessed I could leave my job early to get my baby cared for.

But please Dr. Sounds Like Ben Stein, let's not use the phrase "grossly abnormal" again. Cause this mama is still anxious about the next few days!

mama bear

2011-06-05T21:47:00.000-07:00

Lily woke up with a fever this morning.

It's been about a month since her last one, so I should have known it was coming.

I haven't kept exact records, but I'm fairly certain she's had a fever at least every four weeks since last November. Serious. True story.

So it's time for this mama bear to flex her muscles.

I brought up an ENT consult at a recent doctor appointment (I believe the LAST time she had a fever) but they weren't quite ready to hand it over.

This time, I'm insisting. There may be nothing causing all these viruses and infections to fester in my sweet girl, but then again there may be. My irl friend over at The Wonder Years shared with me how her insistence on an ENT consult revealed large adnoids in her constantly sick son and their removal drastically improved his health.

I'm certain it's a virus again. And I think the third virus in a row to attack her throat.

But that doesn't make it right.

I don't want unnecessary intervention. But I do want to know she's been thoroughly examined by a specialist and they've determined what is or isn't necessary.

Wish me luck tomorrow!!

In case you wanted to know

2011-06-04T21:51:00.000-07:00

In case you wanted to know...

Miss Rose made up a card game for us to play, which was a mix of war and poker. But she informed us there was no betting involved. I asked, and still can't figure out how she knows about cards and betting. She also asked if we had any dice or spinning wheels to incorporate into the game. I can't make this up. And all the holy roller pentecostals rolled in their graves.
{and just so you do know, we are not a betting or gambling family. we don't frequent casinos. honestly, no idea where this all game from}

And if you're interested...

Lily told Gracie tonight at dinner "no talking back." The admonishment did not fit the situation, but we were quite amused that she's picked up that phrase. I'm not surprised though. Out of the mouths of babes. And there you have our number one problem in this house. Lily also loves to tell us "one minute" when she's not ready to obey. She also talks non-stop. It's amazing how a child who usually strings just 3-4 words together at a time can talk incessantly. But she can.

Oh, and by the way...

Gracie thinks I should get another wedding dress so I can get married to Daddy again. But when I suggested that someday she'll get married and she could wear my wedding dress, that is "bisgusting" because she would have to kiss a boy. Even though she talks about kissing boys, I'm very glad she is "bisgusted" by it. Gracie also has never seen Glee, but lately her life resembles Glee. Much of her imaginative play happens in original song. The characters sing to one another. Sometimes it gets real loud.

Friends, this life is a circus. And often I am a poor ringmother of it. But I sure laugh a lot.

(oh, and photos of Miss Rose's new hairdo are forthcoming. I think I need to get them off my phone.)

latest happenings

2011-05-31T21:40:00.000-07:00

Did you know that Miss Rose cut the side of her hair, because she had frosting in it? Which resulted in an expedited full hair-cut (which was in the works already). It's very cute! And just like her mama, she wasn't a big fan of having her hair blown-dry straight. She's a natural girl, as crazy and unpredictable as our hair may be.

Have I told you that Lily is now potty-trained? She's pretty much a potty training superstar. She had a few accidents the first few days but after that--all pee has been in the potty! We still use pull-ups when we are out for a long time or at church, but she NEVER pees in it. Poop took a few days longer than pee, and there were some pooplets on the floor, but she did get it. She hasn't pooped in her pants even once, now that she's wearing panties full-time. We do make a lot of trips to the bathroom. But still better than buying diapers and wipes.

Gracie is going to make her first foray into sports this fall! We are registering her for soccer soon. Miss Rose goes back and forth on whether she wants to play again or not. Gracie is very much a girl, but a feisty one. She wrestles and roughhouses with the best of them. If she likes soccer, I think she'll be a go-getter!

Stay tuned for more.

in photos

2011-05-28T22:36:00.001-07:00

I, among women, am blessed.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

oh so proud

2011-05-24T06:00:00.000-07:00

I'm a pastor.

My kids have cut their teeth on the church pews.

Yeah, that last sentance makes me sound VERY old. But I still like it.

I sang and lead worship while the older two were in utero. I went on a missions trip pregnant with Miss Rose and she came to Mexico with me three times as a newborn, 1 year old and 2 year old. I took Gracie on a missions trip when she was 2.5 months. Gracie came to work with me until she was 6 weeks old.

They have probably been in double the amount of Sunday School classes most kids are--because when they know I'm at church, they want to be there too. They rarely miss Sunday School. Unless someone in the family is sick.

So, you'd think they really have the truths of Scripture in them, even at their young ages.

Which is why I was so proud tonight when Miss Rose said:

"Sometimes I like being bad. I think I'll make Satan my friend."

And not ten minutes later, Gracie said:

"I'm going to kick Jesus out of my heart."

They were in separate rooms, and did not hear what they other said.

Proud doesn't even begin to describe how this pastor-mommy feels.

I'm going to need to have a chat with their Sunday School teachers.

over-achiever

2011-05-22T21:58:00.000-07:00

Every so often I have an experience that reminds me that I am an over-achiever.

I'm no perfectionist. It's not about perfection per say. It's just about what I think is best, what I think is excellent and I won't settle for less.

Case in point.

Last month I took a team to Romania from my church. Yes, the trip I've written one blog about, promised more and haven't delivered yet. Well, this morning we were schedule to give a report on the trip. This usually consists of a person or three sharing some stories and details of the trip and maybe some photos on powerpoint. There is absolutely nothing wrong with this form of sharing about a missions trip.

But I'm an over-achiever. With a Mac computer. That has iMovie. Don't you think it would be cool if I made a video of our trip using photos and then had our team members share brief anecdotes that I would record with the built-in microphone? Yes, I think that would be fabulous.

Oh, I spent at least 15 hours working on my 4-minute presentation. I know that's pretty much par for the course. It drove me crazy. I am not meant to look at the same screen for hours and hours on end. I had no idea what time of the day it was when I was working on it.

No only am I an over-achiever. But I'm a bit of a procrastinator too. I'm motivated by that adrenaline of a deadline.

So I put the finishing touches on my project last night.

Where I found out, googling my issues, that there is a glitch in the version of software I have, causing the audio level adjustments to not work. I couldn't get the music to lower, when the narration came in. I gave up.

Exporting takes a long time, so I started it and headed to bed. Morning came and I grabbed my flash drive and the computer and headed in. Time to upload the file for service. But it wasn't on the flash drive. Begin export again. Still not working right. Try again.

By now, it's time for our first service. During which I went up and shared about the trip and showed one photo of our team. Thankfully, I succeeded in exporting the file and uploading it for our tech team right before I had to go teach a class.

It was a super stressful morning. During which I was mad at myself for procrastinating. Mad at the software for not working properly. Mad that I was such an overachiever because it would have taken an hour to create a powerpoint with music.

But no, I'm an overachiever. So I have to always go one up, on myself. I never compete with others. It's always my own brain. I'm the girl who gets a B+ and is mad I didn't get an A, while most people are rejoicing they got a B! (if I was a perfectionist, I'd have been a straight-A student...but I wasn't)

This is pretty indicative of my life. I always try to do more. I always over-commit. I never want to take the "easy way out" because I expect more of myself. But I need to take it a little easier on myself.

While cleaning off the "counter of death" (aka where we stack everything and random junk collects) I found a few Christmas cards that were addressed, but had no stamps on them...and were never sent. Then I found thank-you's Miss Rose wrote for her birthday in January, that hadn't been distributed.

I have to send out Christmas cards. I have to do hand-written thank you notes.

Good execution, poor follow-through.

Sometimes, mediocrity is good. Especially when it preserves your sanity. But, I will always strive for excellence in my life. I can't help it.

last week in iPhone photos

2011-05-15T16:15:00.001-07:00

Sick baby. Too many of my weeks have a sick baby in them.(she's doing better now)

What's missing here? {it's more fun to eat the seeds in the green beans} #ohgracie

So grown up

Rough morning...reset button

Sickie #2 this week

Somebody is wearing big girl panties now!

Ready to go running

Love her style

Small neighborhood parade in our big city. The best.

Free Home Depot aprons are a good place for our kettle corn snack :)

Post-dinner walk. Also known as, we are too hyper and our house is too small and we need to get OUT

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

running through my head

2011-05-11T20:27:00.000-07:00

Yikes! I haven't blogged in 10 days.

I am really ready for summer. I'm ready to not worry so much about when kids go to bed. I'm ready to not rush in the morning to have Miss Rose ready for school. I'm ready to go enjoy the sun with the kids on my days off. About another month, and summer will officially be here! I am ready.

Miss Rose got her first true haircut yesterday. She looks so grown up, it kills me. She's had her hair trimmed up to a few inches, but this included several inches some layering and framing around her face. It's crazy how much like mine her hair is. The stylist blew it dry and it looked exactly like mine does when she blows it straight. Although the only time I ever have straight hair is after a haircut. I'm too lazy to straighten it. And I'm so used to curly hair I think I look weird with straight hair. {she has asked I not share pictures of it yet. she's self-conscious. but next week after more people around us have seen it, I'll share}

Dare I say, in one week, Lily is almost totally potty-trained? I'm surprised, but I'm not. I knew she was ready and that she'd catch on quickly. But she's had very few accidents and even stayed dry in pull-ups while out and about and woken up dry from naps. This weekend I'm going to not use pull-ups at all. Except for church. Sundays are too crazy and if she has an accident, it might be hard for one of us to get to her quickly and that's not cool.

Lily has been sick again. Which adds to my surprise at the potty-training success. She came down with a fever on Sunday night and it's lingered. I took her in on Monday, since it was just two weeks ago her 7-day fever finally broke. She has another virus, including a sore throat. Even with fevers and not feeling well, she's kept going on the potty. It's the saddest thing for your barely 2 baby to whimper out "potty" from her feverish spot on the couch. But she did it! Her fever is coming down slowly and she's mostly back to herself. I am very close to asking for a referral to Ear-Nose & Throat doctor. I really think something about her anatomy makes her susceptible to these infections and viruses.

Although she did vomit all over her carseat yesterday. I think she let mucous build up from not wanting to swallow, choked and couldn't stop the gag reflux. It kept coming and coming. We had just pulled up to the house. I jumped out to get her, but every time I went to unbuckle her, she'd start puking again. You know you are a pro-mom when you pull a diaper out of the seat pocket to catch some of the puke in! Luckily, she's held stuff down since then.

Gracie. Oh Gracie. She's going to be my boy crazy one. She's only 4, so I hope she grows out of it. She talks about wanting a boyfriend and wanting to kiss him. I blame Tangled! She has watched that movie so many times. But, if you ask her, she will tell you her only boyfriend right now is Daddy and she's not allowed to have a boyfriend until she's 16. So there.

So, what's new with you?

one crazy hour (every night)

2011-05-01T22:13:00.000-07:00

This blog serves partially as a record of our family life, an electronic journal if you will. Because I type way faster than I can write with pen and paper. I like that people enjoy reading it, and if more people want to start reading, that's super cool.

You will laugh, and you may cry at the antics I am about to recount. I know I did a little of both. I publish this, because many years from now, I may not remember these details and if someone else were to tell them to me, I may not believe it. But here, published in my own words, I have to believe it.

The hour from 6:30pm to 7:30pm is the craziest, hairiest hour each day in our household. I'm sure it's similar in many homes with young children. Infants and young babies are often extra fussy in the evening and it's called the "witching hour." I would propose that the "witching hour" continues to exist as children get older, just in different form.

We typically eat dinner around 5:30pm. By 6:30 it is time to start getting kids ready for bed. Bean typically cleans up after dinner while I start bathing children. We like this set-up. I would rather be with the kids and he loves cleaning the kitchen.

Sometimes I shower all three kids. We have a removable shower head that I use for the little girls. This is the most expedient method, but the little girls usually protest and fuss and sometimes I am just not up for that.

Before baths and showers tonight I trimmed everyone's finger and toenails.

Tonight, a joint bath sounded much easier. I run the bath and undress Lily. Gracie comes in and poops on the toilet, stinking up the small bathroom. Gracie loves to lay down in the bath, putting her lady parts right in Lily's reach. Which is starting to interest Lily. I can't tell you how many times I tell Gracie to sit up. And then she lays down again. Gracie spent the first 10 minutes of tonight's bath with her ears underwater, singing her rendition of the chorus of "Firework" over and over again, quite loudly.

Miss Rose always protests getting in the shower. It takes her way longer than necessary to undress. Usually because she is cavorting around half dressed or naked--often in full view of our picture window in the living room. This is rather awkward because she is a 7-year old trapped in a 10-year olds body. Hear head almost reaches the top of my shoulder. The kid is tall and very solid. She's like this pre-teen running around, yet with a child's spirit. Awkward is just the best way to describe it.

After demanding and sometimes yelling, she's finally in the shower. Then I have to fetch the brush for her, because no matter what I do, Miss Rose's hair is terribly tangled by the end of the day and the best solution is to saturate it with conditioner and brush it while soaking in the shower. And we still have to brush more tangles after she's out.

Miss Rose spends the last half of her shower singing made-up songs into the shower head. She is never happy when I say it's time to get out. I have to dry her hair enough that it's not dripping. She tries to talk me into drying her whole body, but I usually make her do it on her own.

Back to the other bathroom where Gracie and Lily are playing and Gracie is saying "Lily's gonna bite my bottom" Then for goodness sake SIT UP! A quick scrub down and conditioning of hair. (curly hair girls, we don't use shampoo usually)

Miss Rose is taking forever to dry off, and is singing again in our bathroom. So I have to continually call to her to go get her jammies on.

Get the little girls dried off and they insist on being wrapped in their towels. They love running to find Bean and talk about being naked and there is often mention of nipples. Bean is usually done with the kitchen at this point and helps with the rest of the extravaganza.

Lily always runs away when it's time to get jammies on. And lately she's been insisting on choosing her own. She wants "pink" although I don't think she always knows what is actually pink.

Then it's time to brush out tangles. Miss Rose thinks I'm torturing her on purpose. I think she will get a significant haircut in May. Her hair is long, so there is some to spare. Gracie's hair doesn't tangle as much, but she still hates getting it brushed.

Miss Rose goes into the bathroom to brush her teeth and do her fluoride mouthwash. When I check on her, she's making silly faces in the mirror. She somehow gets toothpaste everywhere while brushing. Lily tries to get in the bathroom, but this only distracts Miss Rose. I have to drag Lily out, while she tucks her legs up, and close the door. Lily plants herself right in front of the door and screams at me.

Finally it's time for the little girls. Gracie stands on the stool, Lily climbs on the toilet. Both girls start out themselves, then I finish up. Lily plays with the soap and mouthwash bottle on the counter, knocking them over. I usually have to sing to get the girls to focus on the task at hand. I go back and forth, telling them not to touch something, to focus, to not fall etc. I floss Gracie's teeth, because they are close together and that's

I've been wanting to read more from our children's Bibles and so tonight I put my foot down that Mama was reading and everyone else was listening. Miss Rose wanted to read "but Mom, you always say that it's important for me to read, so I don't know why you won't let me." Gracie wanted to look at her own book. And Lily had to be on my lap, and kept grabbing the Bible.

It was a comedic 8 minutes. Gracie was sent to her room for moaning and whining and writhing on the couch. Lily started being goofy and saying "poop" and "pee". Miss Rose was laughing the entire time. And then Bean started laughing. Lily kept going to check on Gracie. Finally Gracie returned. I could only get five words out at a time before having to direct a child in something. Bean thought it was all hilarious. I told him I had no use for him.

Gracie flips through the children's Bible and comes upon an illustration of Naaman washing in the Jordan River. She thinks he is naked and it's funny. I tell her he has shorts on, they are just underwater. Then she starts talking about seeing his nipples. Seriously.

Finally, bedtime. We pray, we sing. During which Gracie is singing her own song. Miss Rose is trying to hold hands with all family members from the top bunk. She gets mad when Lily doesn't want to hold her hand, which is almost every night. Lily insists on being held. She's getting heavy these days. I rest my foot on the bunkbed ladder so Lily is sitting on my leg instead of my hip. Which Bean thinks is a great opportunity to tickle my leg, so I'm laughing while we are singing, and from the top bunk Miss Rose thinks she's missing something. Sigh.

During this crazy hour, I hardly ever stop talking. I'm always telling a child to do something, or stop doing something.

The kids finally in bed, we collapse on the couch.

And I wonder, 10 years from now, when they can do all of this on their own, what are we going to do with that hour?

It's crazy. But I'm sure I'll miss it.

What are your nights like?

Missionary Mama part 1

2011-04-25T21:30:00.000-07:00

When I was in 4th or 5th grade I felt called to be a missionary while at Kids Camp. For a few years, I was pretty sure this meant I'd live my life in a foreign country. As I continued to grow up, it was something I filed in the back of my head. Maybe it meant something different. Maybe it meant just ministry. Maybe I was just an impressionable kid. But I have always been pretty sensitive to the presence of God, so deep down I knew there was something to it.

Fast forward to my sophomore year of college and I went on my first missions trip to Mexico. I was hooked. I love it. I was actually super sick when I went. I Nyquil-ed my way through cold nights in a tent. But I was so glad I went. The next year, I became part of the leadership of the missions trip. The next year, I was the trip director. And with a team of people I started a second trip taking youth students to Mexico. I directed that trip for 7 years and took anywhere from 175-300 students to Mexico every Spring Break.

As a youth pastor, I traveled to Bolivia, Florida, Costa Rica and Ireland on Mission trips.

God certainly did call me to missions. As a young girl, full-time missions was my only frame of reference. But there are so many ways to be involved in missions. I now know I will be involved in missions for the rest of my life, and that could look many different ways.

Out of all the trips I've taken, this trip probably required the most obedience. It was easy to bring Miss Rose to Mexico with me as a newborn, a 1 year old and a 2 year old. It was even easy to bring Gracie with me to Ireland at 3 months old (pretty sweet that she has a passport photo at 6 weeks old). Easy decisions to make, although missions with a child is definitely more exhausting. I won't go into detail about Miss Rose screaming for hours on the last leg home in the car or Gracie struggling to adjust back to California time.

Initially this trip to Romania was supposed to take place last Fall. Before Lily turned 2. When the need arose for leadership, it wasn't difficult to offer to go. I hadn't been on a missions trip in almost four years. And I would just take Lily. Making it easier on my heart, and easier on Bean home with the other 2.

Then a variety of things pushed the date back to the Spring. And after Lily's birthday. Which meant she could no longer fly free. I was going solo and Bean would single parent three girls for 10 days. Several times, I thought long and hard about how to get out of it. I wanted to go. But I didn't want to leave my family.

But I knew I had to be obedient. And God wanted me to go.

It wasn't easy. It never got easy leaving my family, being away from them. Especially when I found out a few days before coming home that Lily had been very sick, which changed everything and although Bean was doing amazing--dealing with a sick toddler, who doesn't have her mommy, and two other kids--he was just treading water, as any of us would do.

Obedience isn't usually easy. Abraham had to put his son on an altar. Moses' mother sent him down the Nile in a basket. Hannah kept her agreement and gave Samuel over to Eli the priest. I could go on and on.

God simply asked me to spend 10 days in Romania.

You know me, always full of words. So I'll share about my trip in a few different parts.

It was wonderful. But so is being home.

With Pastor Aurel in front of the church

Standing at the Danube River. Serbia is in the distance.

In front of the Romanian Orthodox Church in Timisoara

one thousand gifts: the Romanian version

2011-04-21T22:21:00.000-07:00

Lily is still not well. If she is still running a fever on Saturday, we'll be heading back to the doctor for bloodwork to check for mono, a bacterial infection or whatever else may come up. For how sick she is, the doctors and nurses we've seen this week are quite surprised at how pleasant she is. As long as her pain relievers are going strong, she's ok. As they start to wear off, her fever returns and her throat hurts her worse.

One of the great things about my trip to Romania was time to journal, reflect and read a lot of Scripture. It was so wonderful and I want to create more space for it at home.

Here's a little taste of my trip, by way of the gifts I kept track of.

At times it was easy to find the gifts, at times, I had to look really hard to see.
But I'm learning. I'm learning to look. So that I see. Otherwise, I will never see. Never recognize his gifts.

And still. It's changing me.

**************************

Kissing the girls goodnight, and leaving early enough in the morning they weren't awake, no tearful goodbyes.

Scrolling through pictures on my iPhone

Free internet in Germany at a computer sales display

A small black notebook giveaway from the computer sales display, perfect for writing gifts

Envisioning the smile on Bean's face, receiving an unexpected email

Two seats to myself on a long flight--I managed to curl up and lay almost flat to sleep for a while

The Austrian Alps from my airplane window

Munich roads winding through the countryside

Yummy soft pretzel bread w/ a cheese spread on the flight to Romania

Feeling semi-ok after 24 hours of travel

Fresh, out of the oven bread from a small bakery in a small town. No signs or indication of the yumminess inside. You have to know by word of mouth.

Delicious soups all week

An iPhone adapter to charge my phone, to play games on our many van trips, to look at photos or share photos with others.

A friend who blessed me with the adapter

Getting to bless our interpreter with the adapter at the end of my trip, because he didn't have one that plugged into the wall

Vegetables for breakfast

Lots of homemade bread

An outhouse with a hole to squat over, instead of a nasty seat to sit on

International minutes on a SIM card, getting to talk to Bean twice

Faith for healing

The privilege of prayer

Speaking spanish with Romanians who work in Spain

Seeing God touch our team

The gift of words

Important lessons learned

Life stories shared

Listening to worship on my iPhone in a foreign country

Seeing Bulgarian and Serbian countryside from a distance

Dipping my hand in the {cold} Danube River

Fingernails that stay dirty, Tired feet, sore muscles, tender hands, all saying I worked my body today

American-style pizza in Romania

Homecooked meals fit for a king

German chocolate bars

Strong European coffee

Patience practice

A van drained of the wrong gasoline, finally running on the right gasoline

Experiencing the history of Romania, the freeing from Communism, the hand of God

Free wifi at the hotel the night before we go home. Finally, outside contact again.

Family and friends coming together to help Bean care for a sick Lily

Plenty of sick hours for Bean to utilize

A husband, who cares so well for our family

Lessons of faith

A plane waiting for us

Free movies

Plenty of food and drink

More faith lessons

A short ride, to an unexpected hotel stay--thankful to at least be in the USA

A room to myself, a heavy robe and soft bed

One last set of clean clothes

One more hot shower, time to shave my legs

Medicine, calming my stomach while in flight

The pure joy of expectations

Counting hours instead of days

Library books

Christian fiction, that teaches me important spiritual lessons

As easy switch to a morning flight

Getting to the gate just in time

Starbucks Caramel Macchiato

Seats together, in an exit row, towards the front of the plane

One last book to read, to finish

Holding and kissing my loved ones once again

Home sweet home

2011-04-17T14:46:00.001-07:00

I have been home for about 28 hours now. It was a joyful reunion with my family, 12 hours later than planned.

The journey home was quite eventful, involving draining a diesel van of unleaded gasoline that it had mistakenly been filled with, delays and a near-miss of our overseas flight (big ups to the peeps at the Munich airport for holding our plane), and then a cancelled flight home requiring a stay in a Chicago hotel and jumping through a lot of hoops to get on a morning flight home instead of the evening one.

But I'm home. It's been joyful.

I'm also exhausted. The adrenaline has finally drained and I'm feeling the hours of travel and many hours of missed sleep.

And the baby who finished antibiotics the day I left, had another double ear infection while I was gone, and now has a fever again in spite of being on antibiotics again.

It was a wonderful trip I plan to share more on. Once I don't feel so tired and I don't have a sick baby.

It's real life.

And I still love it.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Leaving on a jetplane

2011-04-06T06:28:00.000-07:00

I've had so many blogging ideas lately. But they remain swimming around in my head.

I'm sitting at Gate 36, waiting for the first leg of my flight to Romania. I'm leading a team from my church. We will be doing some construction, Children's ministry and dental outreach.

I am very excited to go. I haven't been on a mission trip in 4 years and it's something I really enjoy.

However, I already miss my kids. And my husband. I can't believe I won't see them for 10 days. We have great family and babysitters to watch them while I'm gone. Since I work during the week, a lot of it is already in place. Bean will probably go in late to work most days, which helps too. Bean has a great calendar going and a menu for all the days I'm gone. Yes, he rocks!

The girls know I'm leaving although Miss Rose is the only one who really understands. I left a paper bag for every day with small gifts for them to open each morning.

It's a good lesson for all of us in obedience. If God calls me, they are called too. Which means I go and they stay. Both are important callings.

Gracie turned 4 yesterday! We celebrated with a party on Saturday where she added 6 more stuffed animals to her collection. She was very excited to get a pillow pet as well! Yesterday I took the girls to Sea World in the morning. We crammed in as much mommy time the last few days as possible.

I left the house at 5am this morning. Putting the girls to bed last night and saying goodbye that way was much easier than leaving while they were awake. Their first gift today is donuts for breakfast!

So, I'm leaving on a jetplane. I know it's going to be an experience for all of us!

I won't be around these parts for a few weeks, but when I come back I'll have lots to share.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Saving a bit of $$

2011-03-31T22:40:00.000-07:00

Do you follow Money Saving Mom ? If not, you should!

Who isn't trying to save a dollar these days? Especially with the climbing gas prices.

My favorite are her Target coupon match-ups. Target puts out their own coupons, both online and in the Sunday paper coupon packs. You can match up the Target coupons with one manufacturer coupon for the same item. Often this makes items free or almost free. She also notes which coupons can be used for travel-sized items (not common, but out there sometimes).

Crystal also posts various online deals (like cheap diapers or products on Amazon) that are very useful. She pulls from other online saving sites and shares the best deals (always crediting the source).

Her site also has tons of advice, stories and inspiration for paying off debt and living debt-free. One series is called "We Paid Cash" and is stories of readers (and Crystal's family) paying cash for small to large items. Crystal and her husband Jesse paid cash for a HOUSE!

I find this site very inspirational in our quest to pay off debt and not incur anymore and live like no one else.

I saved $16 at Target tonight matching up coupons. I only buy items that we would normally buy or use.

Here's a sample of what I paid for various items after coupons:

Pack of gum: .24 cents

Secret Clinical Strength Trial size: $1.49

Venus Razor: $2.24

Colgate toothpaste: .50 cents

Flinstone Vitamins: $2.84

Suave Detangler 2-pack: $2.50

Reece's PB Cups: .69 for two

I'm still figuring out how to shop efficiently with coupons. I don't have a great organization system yet. But on my trip tonight, I got some ideas.

By following Crystal on Twitter, I got a heads up on a gym membership giveaway and I won a 3-month membership. Which I didn't hardly use, but I was excited at the time!

I also "liked" her page on Facebook and see various deals in my newsfeed.

You can subscribe to her newsletter too for a summary of posts. There are often several to dozens of new posts daily on her blog and this is a great way to see them all at one time.

So, go check it out. Save some money!!

**this post is totally my own opinion and I'm sharing about Money Saving Mom because I love her blog so much**

wordless wednesday

2011-03-29T21:59:00.000-07:00

My heart, sitting on a wall

2011-03-25T20:15:00.001-07:00

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running through my head

2011-03-24T21:40:00.000-07:00

I haven't rambled here much lately; I think it's overdue!

My best friend from college had her first baby today! I am so excited for her. She's still one of my best friends. And she's like a sister in a lot of ways too. I am living vicariously through her a bit, even though she lives 90 miles away.

It still makes me a little sad when people ask me if I'm having any more kids and I say no. I had the nicest conversation with the Target check-out lady today. My children were about to lose their lives before we left the store (at my hands of course) so I sent them to sit on a bench against the wall across from the checkout stand. The lady started chatting me up about my three kids and how she and her husband have been married four years but aren't ready to start a family. Yet she sees women like me with three children already and thinks that I have already attained the life she wants. It was an interesting conversation and I enjoyed it.

Lucky for my children, they stayed on the bench and were able to walk out of Target alive. They had both jumped on the "down" escalator without me, and then when I freaked out just a bit, they started trying to walk/run/lumber/stumble back up to me. My heart about jumped out of my chest. Because when you are (almost) 4 and 7, you don't have good control of your limbs or any idea how machinery could effect you.

I need to start preparing for my trip. I leave on April 6. Yikes! I really want to leave little gifts for my girls to open each day--but I can't figure out what items to leave them because I don't really want to spend $1/day on them. But what is less than $1? Or what can you get multiple of for $1? I can think of a few items, but not 10, which is how many I'll need.

Gracie's birthday is fast approaching. Her birthday part is next Saturday and she is so excited. It's a Fairy Party, because it sounded fun, and it's different than Princesses and she likes that kind of thing. I want to have the girls make fairy wands at the party. I need to find a simple idea online for it. I know there has to be some out there. But I'm blogging instead of researching.

Do you have a favorite box mix of brownies? Ours is Duncan Hines. We like moist, fudge-y brownies and theirs are the best!! Actually, I really like Ghiradelli too, but they are too chocolate-y for Bean. You know we've eaten a lot of brownies to know we like Duncan Hines above Betty Crocker and other brands.

However, this homemade recipe is pretty easy-if you have the ingredients on hand--and AUH-MAZ-ING! I don't usually make the caramel topping. But I have, and it's divine as well. There is quite a technique involved in getting it just right. So maybe stick with just the brownies. You'll thank me. I've been considering opening a shop that only served Pioneer Woman recipes. I think it'd be quite popular.

I used the word salivating today, because I couldn't think of "drooling." How odd is that?

Well, I think I've rambled enough.

Enjoy your weekend!

put a fork in us and other things running through my head

2011-03-21T21:23:00.000-07:00

Put a fork in us, we are done!

This morning, I left the house at 7:30am, as usual, with three kiddos in the car. But we headed to the dentist for Gracie & Miss Rose to have check-ups. Thanks to rain, there was traffic and it took me twice as long as normal to get there, but thankfully we were only 5 minutes late.

We were there about an hour...cleanings & check-ups. Down-time too of course, waiting for this and that, keeping the kids off the dentist chair, keeping them from pushing buttons and grabbing dental tools. Keeping Lily from banging on the chair while the big girls were in it. Holding hands and calming nerves, all while keeping a two-year old out of trouble.

Thankfully, the girls had hardly any plaque. A recently injured tooth of Miss Rose's (her mouth is a magnet for injury) checked out fine. There does seem to be some damage to her permanent tooth that's coming in after an injured and abscessed tooth was pulled at age 2. But nothing we can do about it so far.

Drive Miss Rose to school, unload everyone of course to sign her in, head home to meet the babysitter and finally make it to work around 10:30am.

Exhausted doesn't even begin to describe it! Especially since solid sleep is rarely a part of our nights--thanks to teething, colds, daylight savings time and who knows what else!

To top off the day, Miss Rose had clearly developed a sinus infection that wasn't getting better and Gracie wasn't too far off. So let's knock it all out in one day! I came home from work, loaded kids in the van and head them ready the minute Bean got home so he could take them to the doctor. Affirmative for the sinus infections.

Oh, did I mention we've been passing pink eye around? Just lovely. Thankfully the one prescription we got for the first case is lasting through everyone. And we're catching it early, so only the first case was bad. Eye drops for young children are just delightful.

Home for dinner...then Bean went out to get their antibiotics. Which give them diarrhea, so he then went to Costco for Gogurts, which are supposed to help. Oh, and might as well pick up milk because we go through about a gallon every two days. And only two of the kids are avid milk drinkers!

Thankfully, Bean and I are a great team lately. Keeping good attitudes, being patient with the kids, tag-teaming the nightly routines. That makes all the difference. Even on the craziest days, the kids are in bed before 8pm, which helps us too. Now, if only they will sleep through the night!

Put a fork in us, we are done. (and now I also sound like my dad. but it fits.)

I've been extra tired lately. Dragging through the day. I'm sure it's a combination of things.

Have I mentioned that in 16 days, I'm leaving my family for 10 days? I'm excited for the opportunity to do missions again, but right now I'm feeling very sad to be leaving them. Since having children, at least one of them has always accompanied me on mission trips.

I actually started and almost completed a crafty project, and it's turning out cute! The only reason it's not complete is because I ran out of supplies. Hopefully I'll get more tomorrow and finish it and share here. It's like crafting for dummies though. Which is exactly the kind of crafting I need.

More gifts...

51*pages in my book marked by 4 year old marks, complete with coloring in some o's

52*California poppies starting to bloom along the highways

53*once barren rose bushes starting to bloom

54*superclean house, a glimpse of life beyond oodles of toys

55*Lucky jeans & a cute jacket at the thrift store

56*running 15 miles in one week

57*Dove chocolate

58*toddler who always wants to wear "slippers"

59*being encouraged and determining to be more purposefully encouraging

60*clean sheets

61*the heaviness of heartstrings

62*Lily joining in on my DVD workouts

to make them feel my love

2011-03-17T10:50:00.000-07:00

How beautiful are these lyrics,

when read with our children in mind?

Oh, how I pray that my children feel my love,

so deeply, their entire lives.

If you haven't heard this song before,

click on the video below.

And grab your Kleenex box.

When the rain

Is blowing in your face

And the whole world

Is on your case

I would offer you

A warm embrace

To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows

And the stars appear

And there is no one there

To dry your tears

I could hold you

For a million years

To make you feel my love

I know you

Haven't made

Your mind up yet

But I would never

Do you wrong

I've known it

From the moment

That we met

No doubt in my mind

Where you belong

I'd go hungry

I'd go black and blue

I'd go crawling

Down the avenue

There ain't nothing

That I wouldn't do

To make you feel my love

The storms are raging

On a rolling sea

And on the highway of regret

Though winds of change

Are blowing wild and free

But you ain't seen nothing

Like me yet

I could make you happy

Make our dreams come true

Nothing that I wouldn't do

Go to the ends

Of the earth for you

To make you feel my love

my muses

2011-03-16T09:55:00.000-07:00

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the stuff

2011-03-15T13:37:00.000-07:00

I saw reference to this song today on Twitter and wanted to check it out.

A little bit corny...but definitely true of this mom's life!

I lost my keys in the great unknown
And call me please 'Cuz I can't find my phone

This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use

45 in a 35
Sirens and fines while I'm running behind

This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use

So break me of impatience
Conquer my frustrations
I've got a new appreciation
It's not the end of the world
Oh Oh Oh

This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff
Someone save me
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
And I've gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use

kitchen shuffle

2011-03-11T21:09:00.000-08:00

She follows me around the kitchen, a 10x5 rectangle.

Fridge to counter, two steps to the sink and then three more to the stove.
Nestling her head between the backs of my legs, her soft hair hitting just above my knees
We do the kitchen shuffle.

In between the washing, the putting away, preparations for the next meal,
I reach down and gently press her head closer to my leg and say "I love you baby girl."

"Hold you, hold you" she asks over and over again.
"Just a minute baby, let me finish the dishes."

When drainers are empty, hands are dry, and I can do a few tasks one-handed
I lift her to my left hip. The curve of my waist, hugged by little legs, as it has been for the past seven years.
A chubby hand pats my arm and squeezes gently.

Her head nestles underneath my jaw, laying on the shoulder that has burped three babies and handled more spit-up, drool, sometimes vomit and baby boogers than is calculate-able.

My one-handed tasks complete, I lower her to the ground once again, amidst protests.
I kneel to the ground to pick up stray crumbs. Her desire to be close, compels her to get on all four's as well, head touching mine. Ever near.

We return to the kitchen shuffle, more tasks to complete.

This mother-child dance.
I cherish each moment. Savor them. Taste them.

The days, the months are short.
The older sisters, their worlds don't revolve so closely around me anymore.
I've done this before. My heart knows, she's not far behind.

Yet still, when she wakes in the morning, I'm the first one she wants to see.
Heavy toddler feet clod in my direction, pink sleepy flushed cheeks, Wubbie always in hand.
"Hold you."

With each move in our kitchen shuffle, my heart breaks a bit. For I am aware of the coming transition.
Before an empty nest, comes an empty hip.

The day approaches all too quickly
When I must redefine my motherhood.
No longer, a baby's mama.

A sense of freedom coming, yes. Potential for new life patterns.

But for now, it's still a pending emptiness.
I love this job, this life as a baby's mama. Although I know I will love these next stages too.

Three babies. I was their mama.
Always my babies. Always their mama.

My arms may tire, completion of tasks may slow.
But I welcome these moments, these kitchen shuffles, the ever near.
Being my baby's mama.

an empty calendar?

2011-03-06T21:40:00.000-08:00

I looked at our wall calendar a few hours ago and saw absolutely nothing written down for the next five days.

This is monumental.

Miss Rose was supposed to have a softball game tomorrow night, but the other team had to forfeit. I'm not complaining.

I was just out of town for three days at a ministry conference, so I'm really thankful to be home and have nothing major going on.

Maybe I can blog a bit! I still want to share some stuff from the marriage group we are participating in, and also from the conference I went to.

My best friend from college is expecting a baby any day. I'm hoping she arrives this week because it's a good week for me to travel the 90 miles for the baby fix. I need a baby fix!

I'm completely tapped right now. I can think of nothing creative or funny to share!

Ta-ta for now!

one thousand {4}

2011-02-28T14:43:00.000-08:00

I'm counting my gifts. I'm finding moments, gifts of grace to be thankful for, each day. Finding meaning in the mundane. Finding purpose in the everyday. Finding Him. His fingerprints on my day.

I'm linked up here.

baby toes peeking out of too-big jammies

unexpected cloudy morning home my three girls

big girl beds

stuffed animals piled high

three curly bedheads

thirty minutes to make steel cut oats on the stove

felt cup cozy under my fingers

strong muscles that carry me on the treadmill

watching the sun rise on the hill in the distance as I run on the treadmill in the garage

tears that flow

legging & comfy shirt days

jammy mornings

cold feet warmed by a husband's toasty legs

rainy days at home

homemade hot chocolate

2 sisters & 1 brother

doing the hard thing, the right thing

getting there, just in time

an untimely accident, which turned out to be the last word

the blue of the sky after days of hard rain

the right husband, the right life

Ann's post today, pretty much encapsulates the last week of my personal life. I love how you walk through something, and then God gives you the lens through which to view it after. I'm glad I did the right thing. Looking through his lens, I know I did what pleased him and more than my personal comfort, more than my human, fleshly emotions, that's what matters. Obedience feels much better on me then indulging in the flesh. And God also has a unique way of acknowledging the fleshly emotions, and rewarding us for doing the right thing, with a dose of humor. I like that about him a lot.

I wish I could provide details and share more, but it's a family thing, and I need to be respectful. But it's part of my story, and part of who I am, so I share with you these little tidbits.

I am thankful.

The thief on the cross

2011-02-28T05:00:00.000-08:00

When someone wrongs us, we long for justice. For confession, for punishment, for the righting of wrongs. Just follow an high profile criminal case. The friends and family of the victim are present each day of the trial. If they are found guilty, there is a large crowd there for the sentencing, wanting to see justice served.

I think this is part of our human nature. The Laws given to Moses said "an eye for an eye." When Jesus came on the scene though, he changed it all. He said, "vengence is mine." And he said, you've heard "an eye for an eye, but I tell you to forgive seventy times seven," which basically meant infinity.

When Jesus was crucified on the cross, we read that he was placed between two thieves. He who was innocent, he who had done no wrong, between two proven criminals. A small group huddled near the cross of the Christ, his mother, Mary Magdalene, and John. Knowing deep in their hearts, that this was the only way. Yet it didn't seem fair or right. And they grieved.

I wonder who was there for the crucifixion of the thieves. These convicted criminals. I wonder how many were there to see justice served. People who had been wronged by these men. People who had lost their belongings, their money. Their lives may have been deeply affected by the crime. There was no home, pack animal or belongings insurance.

Did they hear the conversation between the thief on the right and the Messiah? Did they hear the forgiveness, the promise of eternity in paradise?

If they did, how did they feel? This man who deserved no pardon, being promised eternal life. This guilty man, finding grace and mercy while on the cross.

In the final moments, this hardened criminal received the ultimate gift of life although he was undeserving.

Aren't we all?

Forgiveness. Embracing the gift of mercy that God gives those who least deserve it.

Sometimes, it's hard to reconcile the past with today.
It's hard to decide how to feel about the forgiven thief on the cross.

I may not know quite how to reconcile today.

But I do know that the ultimate reconciliation is that which Christ offers. To me. To all of us.

We are all the thief on the cross.

quotable

2011-02-27T06:50:00.000-08:00

SETTING
Mama is brushing out Miss Rose's freshly washed hair.

Daddy: Miss Rose, do you know you have beautiful hair?

Miss Rose: yes, I do

Mama: do a lot of people tell you you have beautiful hair?

Miss Rose: No

Mama: well, what makes you think your hair is beautiful?

Miss Rose: Well, I've seen it.

Good to know she is very self-confident!!

to-do

2011-02-26T06:30:00.000-08:00

I would love to double the amount of hours in today

There are so many things I want to do. I need to do.

Here's what's on my mind...

-take kids to Children's Museum

-clean & organize

-do a craft I have materials for, but haven't had time to do

-catch up on reading

-grocery shop for whole foods...I've been eating way too much junk

-thrifting for clothes, household items

-shopping for jeans (if I didn't find some thrifting) I had a pair rip this week :(

-quality time with my family

What's on your to-do list for today? How much do you think you'll get done?

I predict I'll accomplish 5 of these items. If I remember, I'll update later on!

some words

2011-02-25T20:33:00.000-08:00

Here's some words, to match the photos here, telling you what's been going on around here.

It's just everyday life, but everyday has so much in it!

Lily is flexing her personality more and more these days. She loves trying to copy her sisters and also pestering them a bit. They do their fair share of provoking her too.

Bean surprised me with a Lisa Leonard necklace on Valentine's Day. We hadn't really talked about exchanging gifts, and we're trying to be really good about our budget, but Bean always blows the budget on me. I'm blessed!! The crazy thing is that for a year or maybe more, whenever I enter giveaways for LL designs, I always note the Heartstrings necklace as my favorite. Bean didn't know that. He spent 30 minutes deciding which necklace to order, and that's what he chose. How well does he know me??

Around the necklace is our wedding date, and each girls' name. I've worn it a lot already. Gracie thinks its neat that her name is on it and always asks which one is her name. Both the little girls love handling the necklace when it's on me. Something that makes it even more special to me. And perfect that its sturdy and I don't have worry about it breaking. I'm a happy camper with two Lisa Leonard necklaces in my possession now. And I predict someday, there will be more. Cause I just love so many of them!

Miss Rose started softball. She's so cute in her uniform! She has an awesome coach who has done tons of little things to make it extra fun for the girls. Last year she played Little League, with boys and girls--so this is something new to be playing with all girls. We roasted during her first game...and then last week her game was rained out and it looks like this week will be the same. Booo!!!

Lily was sick, again, over the weekend. 4 days of fever and awful diapers. I was concerned her double ear infections flared up again--she was actually complaining about her ear--so I spent 3 hours in urgent care late one night, to find out her ears were fine. Maybe she had a headache. Anyhow, she's better now and eating again.

Gracie got a robe from her cousin. Which she loves wearing! She wears it to bed a lot of nights. So cute. And sometimes she wears it when we take Ella to school. And sometimes she's grumpy because she doesn't want to leave the house. I don't blame her.

I dyed my hair. Not permanent, but it will last a while. A dark brown/red/auburn color. It's something different and I like it!

It's taking me a while to get through the last part of this book. It's not something to be read lightly. I love absorbing it. Digesting it. Something that's hard to do when you're super tired. I'm still working on my list, although writing them down has been slow going. It's still having a tremendous impact on my life.

Bean and I are taking part in a marriage discipleship group meeting four times this year. Our first meeting was last week and it was a wonderful experience. It's different from anything we've done before--and not something we'd normally participate it--but we are so glad we decided to do it. I have a few things I hope to share soon from it.

That's some very random things from our neck of the woods!

Wordless Wednesday

2011-02-23T19:30:00.001-08:00

I miss this space.
Life goes at a crazy pace.
Here is a snapshot from my phone
Of life's fast race

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

shining optional

2011-02-17T08:31:00.000-08:00

This is too good not to share right away before I forget!

Gracie is typically an early riser, sometimes before we even go in to wake Miss Rose for school. She wakes up bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, arms full of her friends, ready for breakfast. She usually won't eat much at dinner, making her ravenous in the morning.

This morning however, she slept in a bit. I went in five minutes before we needed to leave to take Miss Rose to school. Gracie was just sitting up and looking through the twenty friends on her bed for the specific few that she wanted.

Here is just a small sampling of friends she sleeps with.

Gracie was not happy she couldn't eat breakfast before we left, even though I had milk ready to take in the car. She was not happy that I wouldn't carry her to the car (I was already carrying Lily, who had just woken up as well, and was wearing feetie jammies).

I was able to snap this picture before I put her in the car. I couldn't help it.

She recently got this warm robe as a hand me down from her cousin, and she wears it to bed most nights. We threw on some too-big High School Musical slippers so she could walk to the car.

The bed head? Well, that's every morning around these parts. On all four female heads that reside in our house. We are a family of curly-heads and the only way Bean isn't one is because he shaves his head!

She had to rise.

But she sure wasn't going to shine.

I need you more

2011-02-16T17:05:00.000-08:00

These lyrics and the heart of this worship have been ministering to me this week. It's been one of those weeks. Nothing major, just little things that pile up and overwhelm this mama. But thankfully I have my Jesus, who loves me so much and only wants the best for me. When I doubt anything in life, I have to go back to that. Jesus loves me.

I need You more

More than yesterday

I need You Lord

More than words can say

I need You more

Than ever before

I need You Lord

More than the air I breathe

More than the song I sing

More than the next heartbeat

More than anything
And Lord as time goes by

I'll be by Your side

Cause I never want to go back

To my old life

We give you the highest praise
We give you the highest praise
(repeat)

link love

2011-02-11T21:06:00.000-08:00

Just about every night before I go to sleep I read blogs in Google Reader on my phone. My whole life I've struggled to fall asleep easily. When I get in bed and my body stops, my mind has a hard time stopping. I've read before bed almost my whole life because it takes my mind off of life and into a different world, allowing it to relax and fall asleep more easily.

I wish I was the kind who fell asleep at the drop of a hat (like Bean is). But I never have been. I would like to thank Apple for the iPhone which makes dealing with this quirk a lot easier. I just wish I had an iPhone when I was nursing babies during the night.

Anyhow, for funnsies, here are some of my favorite posts I read this week. I'll spare you my reasonings, just go check them out for yourself.

Shake The Dust Watch the video.

Just call me Deb We all have these days, for every reason and no good reason at all.

You're A Friend Who Would Help Me Move a Dead Body I hope you have friends like this! I know I have a few. Actually quite a few. I'm not sure what that says about the friends I have.

Well, it's official. We're WEIRD. This is so inspiring to me. I want to be weird like this. We're working towards it. Slowly. Hopefully a little more quickly this year than last.

This, The Perfectly Ordinary Yup, this is pretty ordinary around these parts too.

Happy reading this weekend!

{almost} wordless wednesday

2011-02-08T21:56:00.000-08:00

Miss Rose had her jogathon last week.

It was kind of chilly and windy, but she rocked it!

19 laps.

Lily put in about 3 laps herself. She loved it.

She'd take off on her own, telling me she as going to find her sister.

Several yards away, she'd look back and tell me to "c'mere"

So off we'd go, again

She's not going as fast as it appears here. It was windy!

Gracie wasn't as into it, but in this photo she was into running towards me!

At the very end she decided she wanted to do a lap and we jogged almost the whole thing.

I was wearing flats. Silly Mama.

Next year, I'm wearing my full-on running gear, and am going for it!

one thousand (3)

2011-02-06T21:39:00.000-08:00

I'm on a journey to embrace each day, to find joy in the mundane, to live as if this is the day the Lord has made, even when the day doesn't hold what I'd like it to. This book continues to change my way of thinking and my approach to each day. Already I am finding small things to be thankful for. I hope it keeps changing me. I want it to change me.

Interested in hearing a bit more? Check out this trailer.

18. celebrating the 7th & 2nd birthdays of my oldest and youngest

19. timely encouragement from friends

20. daily bread

21. a rock higher than I

22. my treadmill

23. sick baby on my day off

24. health insurance & antibiotics

25. a single blooming rose

26. chocolate

27. spice tea

28. sunshine

29. the word of God

Fit Friday: some good reads

2011-02-04T21:56:00.000-08:00

I blogged over at Mama Needs To Run tonight, and I'm going to call that my Fit Friday post. Go on over and find out what's been inspiring me lately.

mama needs to run

2011-02-02T21:36:00.000-08:00

So I finally gave in to myself and decided to start a running blog. It's very simple and basic. Just a place I can write more about running, because I like it. I'm sure I'll add a bit to it when I get the chance, but for now--it's just my writing.

Somtimes I talk in the third person, because it's a little entertaining. And I've been know to tell Bean, on more than one occasion, "Mama needs to run." Because I am a mother-runner. Running makes me a better me, a better mom and I just need to go.

Because I love running, I love reading running blogs, especially running mom blogs. So maybe there are others out there who will enjoy reading my ramblings on running.

I'm sure I'll still mention running here, and I'll probably continue my Fit Friday posts. But, for those of you who don't aren't into running (yes, I'm talking about YOU) I won't bog down this blog.

So, go check it out. I've already posted a few times. And if you like reading about running, follow me over there!! Happy running and reading.

MAMA NEEDS TO RUN

this is how we celebrate

2011-02-02T12:15:00.000-08:00

As promised, photos of our 4,520 birthday celebrations. Or maybe it was just 5. I don't even think I have photos of all of them.

But here are our oldest and youngest, turning 7 and 2.

Lily, telling you that she's "2"

Crazy kiddos! (our buddy Bear is in a tux, because he was going to a fancy party after ours)

Favorite activity lately: Plasma Cars.

This one isn't ours, but I actually bought each girl one for her birthday this year and they will arrive this year. Gracie will be getting an early birthday present. The kids fight over these and they go up to 200lbs, so they'll last a long time.

HAPPY TO YOU!

She absolutely reveled in her birthday song and I was really surprised that she blew out the candles on her own!

Miss Rose's cupcakes

(I'm also happy to say, I'm getting closer and closer to replicating my favorite icing from a local bakery. It's one of my most important life goals. Once I perfect it, I'll share the recipe.) Notice the creative carrying boxes--a team effort by Bean & I. A postal shipping box and toy box with the tops cut off. Pretty good when you don't want to spend the $$ for a cupcake carrier!

Birthday girl hiding behind her cupcakes at school.

Fro Yo on her birthday night!

We have a fun yogurt shop down the hill from us that has a huge screen playing kids movies.

The highlight of her birthday gifts...Paper Jamz.

I must say, I am pretty impressed with this toy. All the girls love playing with it. I'm pretty sure this photo was taken prior to 7am the morning after her birthday.

Sweet Lily Cate's birthday cookie!

Me and my last baby. *tear*

Miss Rose & besties

notice the cousins, in their matching purple skinny jeans :)

The golfing gang

Is that enough pictures for you? Notice, I didn't even take any of the family celebration we had for Miss Rose. Or maybe I took one and I just haven't downloaded it yet.

Can you tell why I was tired??

Miss Rose and Lily loved it all and felt special and that's what really matters!

best laid plans

2011-02-01T21:15:00.000-08:00

I made a small mistake, with the best of intentions.

Instead of 2 birthdays in one week, I ended up celebrating 5 times in one week.

What was I thinking??? Bean and I were supposed to be out of town this past Saturday, so we celebrated Lily's birthday with a handful of people a week early. Even though it was a small celebration, I still wanted it to be special for her. She has enough cousins to constitute a decent-sized birthday party, so of course we needed snacks and decorations. (turned out we weren't out of town, so we could have streamlined more, but the change in plans came too late)

Miss Rose's actual birthday was Wednesday. She wanted it to be a special day, but she really had no idea what she wanted. It was a school day, a work day for me and a 12-hour workday for Bean. Which didn't leave us with a lot of options. I made cupcakes the night before and we brought them to school that morning. She chose to have pizza and frozen yogurt that night--it was just me and the little girls and there is a story of how the night was almost a disaster, but I'll save that for another time. You may need to remind me though, if you are curious.

Then, Lily's actual birthday was Friday. It was a pretty basic day. Sometimes on the weekends, when Bean and my brother-in-law are working, my sister-in-law and I get together for dinner. We spend much of the evening breaking up arguments, telling kids to share, feeding picky kids and cleaning up their messes--we have 7 between us. But at least we get to have snippets of adult conversation in the middle of the chaos, which is a nice break from being alone in the chaos.

I picked up a cookie cake from the grocery store (if you have Albertson's, they make really good cookie-cakes--large pizza sized cookies that are soft and delicious). We ate pizza (I know, we are eating a lot of that lately) and sang before we ate the cookie.

Then, on Saturday I took Miss Rose, her cousin and best-neighbor-friend and Gracie to Boomer's--a local place with miniature golf, go-karts, bumper boats and an arcade. She'd never been before and that's what she wanted for her "party." It was fun, but exhausting too. Gracie was moody and spent more time running around the golf course. Miss Rose got hit in the head with a golf club at one point. The girls had a great time, although true to form Miss Rose found a few reasons to melt down at the end.

Oh wait, we're not done yet! Saturday night we had family over for Miss Rose's birthday. As if the rest of it wasn't enough. Some of our family was sick, so it was my parents and bro & sis-in-law and their 4 kids. It was just what Miss Rose needed though, to complete her birthday fun.

It was overload though, of the best intentions.

This celebrating two birthdays that come in two days, is quite a challenge. I want to make their birthdays special and unique. I don't want them to feel like their birthday was lost in the mix. Oh, and this year it was real fun to help Gracie understand why it wasn't her birthday too.

Maybe I over-did it just a bit. This is only my second year balancing these two birthdays. So I learned what not to do. Last year, Lily didn't understand birthdays yet, so it was a bit easier.

I'm already thinking about what to do next year. We may just do a huge double birthday at the park. We'll go Gosselin style and sing twice, once to each girl to make it special. That way family only has to come to one event and I'm done in one shot.

And have I mentioned that Bean's birthday is in two weeks? And Valentine's Day.

We don't do things the easy way around here.

Stay tuned later for a photo post of all the fun!

happy to you!

2011-01-30T20:51:00.000-08:00

Dear Miss Lily Cate,

You turned 2 on Friday. Yes, I'm a few days late on writing about your special day, but that's life!

You LOVED your birthday this year. You love "happy to you". When we sang to you, you thought it was pretty much the best thing ever and you even knew how to blow your candles out. It was so fun to celebrate with you this year.

I can't believe you are two. Sometimes I still can't believe I have a third child, who came so close after my second. These past few years have been such a whirlwind, and you've been such a sweet blessing. My special surprise.

You are a bit like sweet and sour sauce. You are the sweetest girl, most of the time. You love your family so much. When we drive up from being anywhere, you immediately ask "Daddy?" wanting to know if he's home. Upon waking in the morning or from a nap, you ask for your sisters. Just like your big sisters, when I get home from work, you run to me yelling "mommy" and hug my legs. It's pretty much the best part of my day.

Yet, the sour side. You are a feisty little one! I think it comes from having two older sisters. You learn bad habits from them at times, and fight to hold your place in the family and have a say in how things go. You and Gracie argue over the same toys often. Usually one of you is taking a toy from the other, just to be a stinker. When frustrated, or just feeling feisty, you have a tendency to hit and throw things. Because you see your sisters go to time out in the corner, you understand the punishment. And you have to go in time out quite a bit. Lately, when told to go to time out, you look me square in the eye and flat out tell me "no." It's hard not to laugh at your attempts to rebel.

Copying your sisters, for better or for worse, is a favorite. It happens a lot at dinner, towards the end of the meal when everyone starts getting goofy. If one of your sisters does something silly (and usually is reprimanded for it) you immediately copy them. A few nights ago Miss Rose was playing her new Paper Jamz guitar and Gracie was dancing. You went back and forth between copying what Miss Rose was singing and saying, and mimicing Gracie's dance moves. It is a great teaching point to your sisters, how important it is for them to be obedient because they are setting an example for you.

Lily, you communicate very well. You started speaking words strongly and clearly a few months ago. What amuses me is that you mostly use single words to communicate, but you have a lot of words in your vocabulary. You simply don't find it necessary to use them together, when one word said loudly or strongly communicates your desires or opinions.

You do use a few phrases such as "hold you" and "me too." That's my favorite one right now, that you recently started saying. If we are preparing to leave, if someone gets a snack or whatever I am doing at the moment you always say "me too, me too." Sometimes you even raise your hand to emphasize the moment. So adorable!

Some words that you say frequently are: snack, juice, milk, eat, baby, rock-a-baby, blanket, brush, shower, fast, ball, cheese, treat, cookie, cupcake, pretzel, lap, open, button, animal, book, shoes on, socks, barrette and so many more.

It still seems like there is a good chance you will be left-handed. You typically color and eat using your left hand and when you raise your hand, you raise your left hand. I figure in the next year, we'll really see how this develops.

True to form of your overall development, you are bigger than Gracie was at this age, but smaller than Miss Rose. Mommy fell way behind with your doctor appointments, so we won't know exact measurements for a few months still. Your hair seems to be exactly the same as theirs, which means it will be pretty curly by your third birthday.

You have the cutest way of speaking out of one side of your mouth and also pursing your lips when you speak for emphasis. Your face is very expressive. Sometimes, it's almost like you are using "baby talk" already to express your wishes.

I am still not ready for you to grow up. I am not ready to not have a baby. You aren't really a baby any longer, but you still need a lot of attention. You ask to be held all the time and it's still easier to carry you around when we are out and about because you don't walk that fast--and you still fall a lot, like most toddlers. I know that by this time next year, you will be talking in complete sentences, potty-trained, more independent and your personality will really shine through. There are good things that come with this too. But your baby-loving mama doesn't mind that you are still her baby right now.

Lily Cate, I love you so much and I can't imagine our lives without you. I still vividly remember the events surrounding your birth. Given my birth history, a successful pregnancy and healthy birth really was a miracle. You were a blessing, a gift from God and I can't wait to see all that he has in store for your life!

Love,
Your Mama

(I'll share some pics soon...no time tonight!)

fit friday randoms

2011-01-27T21:47:00.000-08:00

I haven't kept up too well with Fit Friday since the holidays. I have been keeping up with it in my own life for the most part though, which is a positive thing.

For today, here's some random notes and thoughts on fitness.

...I am SO spoiled to live in Southern California, where it was winter for all of three minutes so far. Our weather has been so warm, while other parts of the country are snowed in. I ran in shorts today. And I had to find more short-sleeved clothes for my kids.

...my jogging stroller is getting heavy! I guess that's what happens when your kids grown. I'm pushing 80ish pounds. Sea World has a huge walk-on scale in one of the exhibits. Next time I'm there, I'm definitely pushing the stroller on it with the kids to see how heavy it truly is.

...there is a reason why I don't pay for a gym membership. I was excited to win a 3 month membership, which I activated mid-December. I think I've gone 3 times. It just doesn't fit into my life right now.

...my 2-year old LOVES running lately. Anytime I have running related clothes on, she says "fast?" And she'll pretend to run in the house pushing her doll stroller. It's adorable. She pumps her arms and her chubby cheeks bounce up and down.

...I'm a cardio-junkie. But to see the results I want, I need to incorporate more strength.

...I really like Jillian Michaels 6 Week 6 Pack Abs DVD. In fact, I plan to do it in the morning.

...I love giving a big smile to others pushing a jogging stroller while I'm doing the same.

And, that's all she wrote!

I hope 7 is heaven

2011-01-26T08:25:00.000-08:00

Dear Miss Rose,

At 8:25am this morning, you are officially 7 years old. You have a lot of expectations for this birthday, but you aren't quite sure what they should be. You just know birthdays are special and you want your day to feel special. Which is kind of hard when your birthday falls in the middle of the week! But I'm going to do the best I can.

You continue to grow tall and strong. Your head almost reaches my armpit and I'm pretty sure you'll be taller than me by the time you are a teenager. But you still love to cuddle and be hugged. You want to be carried to bed like your younger sisters, and we indulge sometimes. Every morning when you wake up, you hug me. When I get home from work or I pick you up from school, you still greet me with an excited "mommy!" and a big hug. I love that.

I'm not going to lie, this last year has been challenging with you. Your attitude has been in full swing. You are so strong-willed and too intelligent for your own good. There has been more crying, yelling and discipline then I would like. But we are responsible to raise you right, and we'll fight for it when necessary.

I'm really hoping that age 7 is much easier for you. In fact, the past few weeks have been markedly better. I'd like for age 7 to be like heaven!

You have taken more of an interest in pop music and you learned to look up videos on You-Tube this year (with supervision of course). You and your cousin love to have dance parties and put on dance shows. You continue to experiment more with your feminine side.

You love to read and write and play school. You are an amazing big sister, always willing to help your sisters and they love you in return. You love outdoor activities. You are rarely cold and many nights (even though I'm usually freezing) you take off all your pajamas and sleep in your underwear.

Speaking of underwear, you think it's hilarious to run around the house naked before your shower and when I point out the huge windows in the living room, you do a little jig in front of them. I'm just waiting for the day someone walks up at just that moment!

Miss Rose, we love you so much and we are so proud of you. Yes, we have our difficult days, but your performance and behavior at school is so exemplary that we know you have incredible potential to be the same way at home. You are such a unique individual and my prayer is that God guides us in raising you to be who he created you to be. We don't want to break your spirit or force you into a mold. We do want you to be submitted to Christ and live in the fulness of his grace.

We love being your parents!

birthday eve

2011-01-25T22:23:00.000-08:00

7 years ago, it was my last evening before becoming a mother.

Miss Rose had not cooperated and was comfy with her head up in my ribs, close to my beating heart. She would make her debut through the surgeon's cut.

Bean and I went out to dinner that night and saw the movie Big Fish. I made sure everything was ready and packed for my early morning wake up. I took my trusty Tylenol PM because I knew there was no way I'd fall asleep quickly.

I spent years dreaming about becoming a mother. Imagining what it would be like to have a baby of my own. Once that first baby was growing in my belly, I dreamed about her. Wondered what she would look like.

Would she have darker skin like her dad? Or the lighter skin that would be in 75% of her genes. Would her hair be curly like mine? What color would her eyes be?

I already loved her. I was already her mom.

She was my dream come true.

I remember that night like it was yesterday. I remember waking up the next morning, so excited for what the day would hold, even if it wasn't going to be the birth I had hoped for.

Regardless of the means, my baby was going to be born. I would hold her in my arms and nurse her at my breast.

I waited my whole life for that day.

It's been everything I hoped it would and so much I never knew it would be.

Motherhood is the best and the hardest thing I've done in my life.

On this, my firstborn's birthday eve, I think back to that night. I think back on the last 7 years.

And I love it. Being a mom is the greatest gift.

One thousand

2011-01-24T20:46:00.001-08:00

I'm on a journey to embrace each day, to find joy in the mundane, to live as if this is the day the Lord has made, even when the day doesn't hold what I'd like it to. I'm a few chapters into the book, and it truly is impacting me. Already I am finding small things to be thankful for. I hope it keeps changing me. I want it to change me.

9. A good rubberband for my hair

10. The yellow blanket that's warmed my family since I was a child and warms not just my body but my soul

11. My minivan (can't believe I'm saying that)

12. Sunshine in January

13. Singing. And worship

14. The unconditional love of my husband

15. The barren rose bushes outside our office that will be full of blooms come spring

16. My three girls sitting on their dads lap tonight

17. Favor, and grace

I'm linking up here. Today's post is incredible. Such a testament to this idea, this way of living. Take the time to soak it in.

because pictures are always good

2011-01-23T22:37:00.000-08:00

A few recent photos...it's a big birthday week this week, so hopefully I'll get the birthday posts I've been composing in my head onto the screen!

My award winning almost 7-year-old. Sometimes she is quite challenging, but I truly am so proud of her accomplishments in school and her consistent amazing behavior. It tells me we are doing something right!! Because Miss Rose has her dad's skin tone, people don't often say that we look alike---but I definitely see resemblance in this photo, which makes me happy. If nothing else, our hair is exactly the same!! (and you can see that she wanted her two front teeth for Christmas...but hasn't gotten them yet!)

We visited my grandparents the week after Christmas. Even though they don't live far away, I don't see them often, but they are both failing and will probably be gone soon. One of the highlights of the visit for me was to see the resemblance between Gracie and my grandma. My grandma is this tiny, petite thing--but see how full her cheeks and face still are? JUST like Gracie's. (and it almost all the photos of the day, my grandparents are looking at the kids, never the camera!)

This is how my girl rolls, all the time. Please note:
1. The hat and matching mittens she received from friends for Christmas. While not as prevalent, she still has a strange affinity for gloves and mittens, so this gift was a favorite.
2. Her fun furry boots. Hand me downs, which she loves and wears with anything
3. Her long polka dot socks, a stocking stuffer, which actually are toe socks. I thought it would be a fun gift. It was. But putting them on her is not fun at all. You try to get little toes in their slots.
4. Tights. Always tights. Although she doesn't like ribbed tights, thicker ones are ok. Patterned ones are the best.

What better way to watch a movie, then laying across your sisters lap. This was a candid moment I caught that melted my heart! It didn't last long, but it was so sweet.

More sister love at Miss Rose's award reception.

One of Lily's favorite new things. This isn't actually ours, but I'm ordering these plasma cars for my kids' birthday presents this year. They can't get enough of riding their cousin's. And notice the pigtails?? More of those to come!!

Have a happy Monday :)

a Fit Friday LIST

2011-01-20T20:49:00.000-08:00

You know you are a runner when...

1. While driving on streets you sometimes run on, you imagine yourself running along them

2. When you see someone running, anywhere, you wish you were running too

3. When a) a song with a good beat comes on the radio or b) a song on one of your playlists comes on the radio, you thinking about your foot cadence during that song

4. The small amount of spending money you had, went to new shoes & new running clothes

5. You buy your friends running related items because you think everyone should love running

6. You try to think of ways to make extra money so you can register in more races

7. You want to run a half marathon pushing a jogging stroller just so you can say you did it

8. You are considering running a FULL marathon, even if you can't do a complete training schedule for it because you are pretty certain you could finish and that would be your only goal.

9. Your oldest daughter wanted running clothes and running shoes for her 4th birthday.

10. Your youngest daughters love to put on your running visor and shoes

11. Anytime you are wearing workout clothes, your almost 2-year-old says "fast" and says "me too."

12. No matter what challenge you face during the course of the day, big or small, you think "a good run would fix this."

13. Reading this list makes you happy and proud. And you realize you have accepted and embraced your identity as a runner.

the best I can do?

2011-01-18T21:23:00.000-08:00

How often do you find yourself thinking, or saying "I'm doing the best I can."

I am pretty sure I both say and think it quite a bit. Sometimes, it's quite true.

Often I think its how we give ourselves permission to not achieve perfection. We know perfection is impossible, yet we still want it, or at least the appearance of it.

Other times, we use that phrase as a cop-out, an excuse. If we say "I'm doing the best I can" no one can really fault us. They feel pressured to accept it as truth, because "the best I can" is relative, it's not objective.

No one else can tell you what the best you can do is. They may try, but usually they just say "ok" and leave it at that.

Has anyone ever challenged you though, and said "I think you can do better?" I don't think anyone has ever challenged me in that way. It would be difficult to hear, but I'd like to think I'd take inventory and truly investigate if I was doing the best I could.

I'm in the process of reading and teaching the book The Me I Want to Be by John Ortberg, and that's exactly what his wife told him. She approached him with several things she wasn't happy with and he said "I'm doing the best I can" and she said "no, you're not. You're not living up to what you teach and preach or what you've done in the past." That incident was one of the factors that lead to the journey which turned into this book.

It really has caused me to stop and think. I believe I've been accepting too much mediocrity in my life. Mediocrity that I'm to blame for. I let things go in the house. I don't keep up with various cleaning and organizing tasks. Yes it's true that I'm tired, that I'm busy, that I'm a working mom of young children, that I need to take care of myself.

But truly, these things I leave undone for far too long, take probably a maximum of twenty minutes to complete. Easily done. But discipline and a plan is required.

In some respects, I'm NOT doing the best I can, even though I try to pretend I am. And it's not about perfection or getting things done. A lot of times, I just forget what needs to be done when I have the time to do it, until it's too late and I'm too tired. The bottom line is I feel better about myself and better about life in general when I am on top of these basic tasks.

This last week and weekend were pretty out of control. The little girls were sick and I was trying to get work stuff accomplished from home. Then I taught a class all day Friday and most of Saturday. When I got home on Saturday we drove 90 miles to one of my best friends baby showers. Sunday was a busy day at church and I officiated a memorial service in the afternoon and didn't get home until 3:30pm.

I had every reason to sit around on Monday and relax. But so many areas of my home needed attention. And we were all home and it was a warm, beautiful day. In actually started on Sunday when I cleaned the kitchen and dining room floors. Monday I went to work cleaning, purging and organizing in the girls' rooms. I de-cluttered other parts of the house. It pretty much took all day, between stops to play with the kids, attend to them, and take care of life as well.

It felt good. It energized me. And when I walk into the bedrooms, it's like a breath of fresh air now. I can say on Monday, I truly did the best I could.

This morning, I got up at 5:15am so that I could run. Bean had to leave at 6am and I'm needed to be back in the house by then. Yes, it was early. But I haven't been running enough and I've been more on edge and tense. So running early, was my best.

I have a list of forms I'm going to print from Monday Saving Mom and Simple Mom to help me organize. I love lists and organization, routines and plans. But I've been slacking big time. It's time to step it up. I'm going to find what works for me. I want to do truly do the best I can do. I don't want to settle for mediocrity any longer.

I'll still have days I slack. We'll still spend days in our jammies. But I want to have earned those days.

I want to know I'm truly doing the best I can. Because I know I'll be happier when I am.

What do you think? Do you use this as a cop-out sometimes? Are there any downloads, forms, schedules etc that you find helpful?

one-thousand

2011-01-17T10:12:00.000-08:00

For some time now, I have been entranced with Ann's blog. It is so deep, yet so simple. Sometimes it makes my head hurt, and others it stirs my soul. It brings up pain and also rejoicing. I don't remember ever pre-ordering a book before, but this one I have.

As I browse through blog-world, I see snippets from those who've had a sneak peak, those who are reading early copies of the book. They use words like wrecked, ruined, changed. I need those things. I eagerly await this book. Not just for her words, but for the Spirit who inspired them and will make them come alive in my own life and heart.

In this new year, I want to embark on a new journey. A journey of gratitude. I want to join those who each week list the gifts, the things they are thankful for. It's easy for me to get wrapped up in what's missing, in the lack, in the unfulfilled desires, the unrealized dreams, the daily mundane. But I have so much to be thankful for. The giver of life has given me much.

If you haven't visited Ann's blog, please do so. And I'd love for you to join me on this journey too, of One Thousand Gifts.

I have to start with the obvious, because sometimes I take these gifts for granted.

1...a husband, who loves me wholly and unconditionally

2...daughters, who run to greet me, assailing my legs and wrapping their arms around me

3...a home, that is ours, in a neighborhood we've always dreamed of living, with family and friends close by

4...the physical ability to run

5...a voice, to express my love to God in song

6...the honor of ministering to people in their time of need

7...friends of the heart

8...the health of my family...I'm witnessing too much heartache and loss these day

Come back each Monday as I journey towards these one-thousand gifts and beyond.

running through my head

2011-01-16T21:47:00.000-08:00

Much of this past week, I haven't even known what day it is. Bean got sick at the end of last week and by Sunday, Gracie had the fever/aches/chills/cough and then Monday was Lily's turn. They were very sick all week and I only was able to go to work for one day.

I'm not sure how moms who don't have understanding, flexible family-friendly jobs do it. I can take care of the necessary stuff from home and I have wonderful people in our office who support me and my 347 emails I send when I'm home with the kids.

I was barely home the past three days. I'm really glad that tomorrow is a holiday and we can have a family day. I'm planning to work on Thursday, because I need the time at work.

Someday, I'd like to have time and energy to have a hobby. The Energizer Bunny, I am not. I admire women who put tons of energy into their family and life (and sometimes even a job) and still have time for hobbies. I know the day will come when the kids require less energy, but it seems far off!

Does laundry ever end? No, I think not. If we want to wear clean clothes that is. I sometimes complain that I have to walk to the garage to do my laundry, but our last house I had to walk downstairs to a dungeon. So I'm thankful for that.

I have major race-fever right now. I want to register for several races this year. But they are PRICEY. At least for me :) I have a few in mind that I want to do, but I haven't actually decided yet. I need a goal, something to drive me, something that excites me. Staying up a little too late, and my warm bed on a cold morning have made my morning runs almost non-existent.

Gracie seems to have had some behavior-regression as a result of her illness. Or there is still something wrong. She has never been so whiney, so needy in her life. Or at least since she left her infant colicky state. She is asking to be held so much (and she's a lanky almost 4-yr old) or to sit with her. She wants to lay on the couch and watch TV or movies. And the fits she throws when she has to actually do something. She still has a bad, deep cough--so maybe there is still something going on. It's quite frustrating.

She's also not eating well. I can tell she lost a pound or two, which is a lot for her. She's my beanpole. Not 40lbs yet. Gracie complains of her legs hurting. Not sure if it's a ploy to be carried, or she needs to eat more. But I don't like getting in the --what will you eat mode--I want her to eat what's prepared.

Needless to say, we'll be visiting the doctor early next week if she doesn't snap out of it soon. Lily has a cough still too, but she's just a little "I'll be 2 in 2 weeks" hellion. She is SO spunky. It's funny, and exasperating. She gets sent to time out quite a bit. It works for us right now, because she sees her sisters go to time out, so she understands the concept. She needs a post all her own soon.

I'm hoping, praying, believing for a good, routine week. My psyche desperately needs it. My home and family need it. I'm feeling a bit off, a bit unsettled tonight. Antsy. I don't want to just survive, I want to thrive.

And I need to run. That goes without saying though, huh?

running through my head

2011-01-09T21:30:00.000-08:00

This no time/energy/creativity for blogging right now is bumming me out! I love this little space. But I love the three little people and the big man in my life more, and they've needed a lot of me lately.

The past week has been very challenging. It was the first week back to school for Miss Rose and back to work for Bean and I after a week off after Christmas. I found it pretty difficult to get back in the groove. Even though I was waking up at the same time, and had the same morning tasks, we were almost late to school most of the week.

I have been dealing with some pretty bad headaches this week. Migraines, tension headaches that grip my neck and shoulders. I have one right now. This is a trouble area for me, but this week has been especially bad. It's a combination of stress, anxiety, caffeine withdrawls and who knows what else. I went to the chiropractor on Wednesday and have another appointment on Monday.

A friend of mine is dealing with some internal bleeding believed to be caused by taking too much Motrin. I pop that stuff like candy. Along with other meds for pain. That scares me. If I can't get the pain under control I will probably see a doctor and figure out what they can do to help me.

Bean had a very bad flu the past few days. He doesn't often get sick and when he does, usually he powers through. Not this time. He spent much of two days in bed or on the couch and I got the kids out of the house when possible to give him some quiet. He's on the mend, but is not 100%. Then Gracie woke up today with a fever, which makes her vomit. Luckily, it was mostly mucous and stomach bile. But still, not fun.

I'm hoping and praying no one else gets it. But Lily has a bit of a cough, which is how Bean started out. And Miss Rose constantly fights a runny nose, usually from allergies, but it easily turns into an illness. I need to get back into the working and thriving in life groove.

My floors all through the house are terribly dirty, we are always behind on laundry, and I have more organizing to do in the new parts of the kitchen. Let's not talk about the constant state of messiness in the bedrooms. Miss Rose desperately needs a chore chart and a behavior chart too. Her attitude and how she speaks to us is a real challenge right now.

All in due time I suppose.

Bean and I just finished a week-long Daniel fast with our church. It really felt like a lot of the difficulty we faced this week was due to our obedience to God and the enemy coming against us. But in spite of it all, we stayed true to our course and are believing God for blessing and guidance as a result. It's difficult to not have the "spiritual high" after what should be a spiritual experience. But sometimes you just have to be obedient, even when you don't have the "high" to go along with it and trust that God will honor your committment.

I'll be working home from tomorrow with a sick Gracie. I'm hoping she wakes up without a fever so she can go to Grammie's on Tuesday. I need to get back in that groove!

'are you?

2011-01-04T22:47:00.000-08:00

Lily loves to be near me. We have a pretty small house but if I'm not in sight, she walks around saying "are you?". It's the cutest thing. Even though her constant presence can be a bit of a nuisance at times. I know in the next year she will make the complete transition out of babyhood and toddlerhood. So I'm enjoying it to the best of my ability.

Lately, this blog has been asking me the same question--where are you?

I'm here. Just lacking energy and the mental capacity for blogging. This last year I've developed a real appreciation for well-written blog posts. Which means I cringe a bit when I post something that is rambling or sub-par in my opinion. I keep waiting for more time.

This week has been a little rough getting back to routine. I really enjoyed the week off at home. Even though I'm getting up at the same time, I've been just shy of late dropping Miss Rose off. This morning I even had to go back home after the two drop offs to put makeup on. I'm not very superficial, but a little makeup makes me feel put together and ready for a work day. I don't wear makeup as much when I'm at home.

So here I am. But here I go again. I hope to return soon!

And because they are cute...

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

this is not a year in review

2010-12-31T20:27:00.000-08:00

It seems like everyone in the blogosphere is doing a "year in review" or "resolutions" post today. I wasn't planning on posting anything today. But I'm waiting for a sugar/water mixture to turn amber, to complete Salted Caramel Brownies. So I guess I might as well share a couple quick things.

I don't really have any strong sentiments about 2010, which I guess is good and bad. It was a year. It had it's ups and downs. A lot of challenges, through which I tried to learn to rejoice and give thanks and count all things joy.

I quit making resolutions a few years ago. Because I never fully keep them. I usually have new goals and intentions. This year is no different, but I won't bore you with them tonight.

What does matter to me, more than anything is family. My husband, my girls and our extended family.

This was our 3rd Annual New Year's Eve trip to our favorite ice cream shop. The first time we went, I was very large with child and we were in the midst of renovating our house so we could actually move in. I really hope this is a tradition that lives on. When our girls are teenagers and want to hang out with their friends, I hope they love this enough to come with us and then get on with their plans.

(my niece)

Happy New Year's everyone!

random Christmas moments

2010-12-25T21:58:00.000-08:00

I need to blog these before I forget them, because you know this is my cyber baby book. Maybe I should get out Lily's baby book and actually write something in it before her 2nd birthday in a month. Quite the overachiever I am.

We've had a great Christmas. Full of family and love and fun. The kids actually slept until their normal wake-up time, which was nice since we were up until about midnight the night before, wrapping gifts and hanging with my sisters who are in town.

A sidenote here: if you have sons, for the love, please teach them to wrap gifts. As a spent a few hours the past two nights wrapping 100% of our gifts, I wished that my husband was adept at gift wrapping. He typically bribes one of my sisters to wrap my gifts. This year, we only got each other one small gift since we need to spend a little money on our house. I requested a book from him. {i know, if you clicked on that link, you aren't surprised} I insisted that HE wrap my one gift. Which he did.

And when I opened it this morning, it was still shrink wrapped to the cardboard with the invoice inside. He claims he wanted to disguise the gift. The one thing I SPECIFICALLY asked for.

So mother's of sons, please teach your offspring to wrap gifts. So that they can join in on the hours of wrapping at Christmastime. It will be a huge blessing to their future wives. I may actually start a free community class for men, teaching them to wrap gifts.

I won't bore you with the play by play of the day, but these are the moments I want to remember...

Gracie falling in love with two more dogs...which she promptly named after the dog we had for three days, and our friends new puppy whom she loves.

Gracie & Lily getting their groove on to Justin Beiber with their cousins.

My nephew and daughter attacking their grandma in joy because they got gifts they really wanted.

After shooting off a new marshmallow gun, Gracie put one hand on her hip, the other hand in the air and said "I'm awesome." Yes baby, you are!

Lily...well, she was a wreck today. She just didn't know what to do with herself!! It was a lot of commotion that she didn't necessarily understand, and she was mostly interested in what everyone else was getting. I purchased just two items for her stocking stuffers. She doesn't understand it all anyways. The baby bottle I bought broke and I had to throw it away. I felt bad that there would just be a ball in her stocking, so I decided to put a toy cell phone in that she's been playing with for a few days. My sister found that hysterical. Hey--just being resourceful.

I stopped myself from putting the kids leftover Halloween candy in their stockings when I realized I hadn't bought any for them. I should have just done it. Miss Rose expressed extreme disappointment tonight that Santa didn't bring her any candy, but he did bring candy to her friends.

Mind you, we don't do Santa in our house. She's only learned about him from friends, TV, movies and the like. But she has decided he is real, and she gets angry if we insinuate otherwise. It's like a personal offense to her.

Before bed, as the nightly meltdown was occurring, she said the toe socks she got in her stocking were stupid and Santa shouldn't have bought them for her. Bean said "hey, don't say that, someone had to spend money on them." To which she retorted, "nobody bought them. Santa's elves SEWED them."

Oh my.

These are the moments to remember though.

We were so blessed to be able to give, to our children, our family, our friends. And so blessed with what we received as well.

Merry, Merry Christmas

2010-12-25T07:52:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas from our family, to yours!

Here's the card we sent out this year!

With Love Blue Christmas 5x7 folded card

Make a statement with custom Christmas cards at Shutterfly.

View the entire collection of cards.

Our fabulous card from Shutterfly!

And one more!

the ghost of christmas past

2010-12-22T22:41:00.000-08:00

I had this great idea to do a 12 Days of Christmas series, sharing family traditions, Christmas stories, holiday favorites and the like. But this pesky thing called life got in the way and time ran out before the words flowed from the keyboard.

So I thought I'd do a couple. I'm thoughtful like that. Because I know you find these random stories about me interesting. [I know, I flatter myself.]

This got pretty long. I don't usually like to read or write long blog posts. But they happen. Just warning you. Maybe it makes up for the lack of posting as of late. Happy reading!

As a young child, our Christmas celebrations were very small and simple. We went to a church that was very conservative and discouraged the celebration of holidays. However, when Christmas was just a few days away, my parents would decide they needed to celebrate in small fashion. Until I was about 10 years old, that was Christmas.

Sometimes a small tree. Sometimes no tree. I have several ornaments bought on Christmas Eve for our tree. Because money was always tight, often my dad would find an abandoned Christmas tree lot a day or two before Christmas and we'd give a lonely tree a home. This became a very fun family tradition as I got older, that we even carried on after my dad had his stroke and couldn't go out and get trees with us.

My mom always put an orange, a nut, and a quarter in our stockings. Tradition from when she was a kid. I don't remember any gifts. I'm sure we got them, probably few and small. But nothing stands out. I wasn't sad or disappointed. I knew no different. The traditions we had, were what made the holidays fun. One year, we didn't have stockings, so my mom set everything out on plates for us. Just our regular dinner plates, but we loved it!

My brother's birthday is on New Year's Eve. One year my dad took us to Toys R Us on his birthday. I'm not sure if the intention was to buy him a birthday gift, or to buy everyone something. All I know is it was his birthday, and I walked out with a Cabbage Patch Kid named Lynette Georgette. Yes, I remember her name. In fact, I still have her and her clothes although her shoes are long gone. I also have her birth certificate.

One time, I was attempting to clean marks off her face with alcohol or nail polish remover and I accidentally wiped off part of one eye. But my aunt who is an artist repainted the eye for me.

When I was 9, we returned to Southern California where my parents were from (I was born & lived in Washington until then) and Christmas was celebrated on a bit of a grander scale. With four kids and a stay at home mom, gifts were not the focus. We also now had family around us to celebrate with and aunts, uncles and grandparents to bestow gifts.

In fourth grade our family was marked by my school (my brother was in second grade) as one who could use some help for Christmas. Days before the holiday, a load of gifts was delivered along with stuffed stockings. They were simple, cheap stockings. Someone had cut pieces of ribbon into pieces to form our names and ages, then taped across them. We had those stockings for years. Actually, decades. Only recently did we finally get rid of the last ones.

Santa was never a part of Christmas in our house. We all eventually learned the story, but my parents didn't give us gifts from "Santa." However, growing up my dad's house didn't have a fireplace so my grandpa made a fake fireplace, that ended up being passed down to us. Every year we'd haul it out (it moved to probably 4-5 house with us), buy new "brick" paper for it and hang our stockings with care. It was really hard to part with it when it was time for my parents to downsize, but we have such great memories!

We've had years of plenty. One year was "Disney Christmas" at our house. My dad had a paper route (which we often helped on) in a well-to-do area and the homes were very generous with tips. I happened to have a thing for Mickey Mouse. One sister loved all things Winnie the Pooh. There were many Disney Store boxes under our tree that year.

We've had lean years. Probably more of those. It's always been the thought that counted in our family. As we've grown into adulthood, that has faded a bit. I'd like for it to come back though. It's too easy to get caught up in material things, in having the latest trend, in getting the hot item that year. One of my good friends was blessed to always get the biggest ticket items for Christmas. But my family had a lot more fun.

There was great emphasis on choosing gifts for one another. We had an annual trip for many years to a local mountain town where we shopped for one another. When we were young, my grandma took us shopping at the drugstore every year for my parents. We had a $5 limit per parent. If we wanted to spend more, we had to convince a sibling to go in with us. Then we'd climb back in my Grandpa's Pinto and at their house we'd wrap gifts and drink eggnog cut with milk. Oh the memories. I miss them, especially at Christmas.

I've been more purposeful in my Christmas shopping this year. Partially in an effort to stay on budget. But also, to make sure I get gifts that are meaningful and will be used. An inexpensive or sale item that gets frequent use is of greater value than something that costs more, just because it's trendy. I wanted to get gifts my children would actually play with. Too many times I've picked up things I thought were cute or fun, but really didn't fit them. I hope I've done well.

I want to have holiday traditions with my children that are fun and memorable. I don't know if we've established those yet. They are still young though, so there is time. I want my children to look back at Christmas' past and remember the family togetherness, the laughter, the meaningful gifts. I don't want it to be only about what was under the tree.

Thanksgiving and Christmas have always been about family for us. Family and food. Good, home cooked food. Except for See's Candy. That's a must also. Well, the last few years we've been getting tamales for Christmas, from one of the best Mexican places in town, so I think that counts as home cooked.

I hope these are the holiday traditions we are instilling in our children. Just writing this was a wonderful reminder of why the holidays have been important to me growing up and I need to focus more on these aspects with the girls.

I'd love to hear a special memory or favorite holiday tradition you had growing up!

frazzled & fragmented [running through my head]

2010-12-21T22:11:00.000-08:00

It's been too long since I blogged. I miss this space when I don't get to visit. Life feels fragmented right now, and I'm frazzled.

When I got home from work today, the security screen was unlocked and the front door was wide open. At first I was freaked out and entered the house calling "hello" waiting for the boogieman to pop out. Sure I had a baby on my hip, but I have strong legs and I could have kicked him and defended my children. My mom said there were no contractors here today. The best explanation is that I was concerned about getting the kids to the car through the rain, planned to come back and lock the house, but promptly forgot. Major FAIL.

We have too much furniture. The addition of a Christmas tree is suffocating me. Our last house was the largest living space we'd had and we bought a couch and love seat, in addition to the comfy chair and love seat we already had. It was perfect for that space (dual living rooms). But now our home is smaller, and we own it. The chair has a home with my sister currently. And we have one too many love seats.

Bean mentioned the idea of selling the set, and getting a couch to match the original love seat we've had. It is our favorite. In the meantime, we may need to move a couch to the garage before I go crazy. Yes, those things can make me go crazy. Even though next week we will take the tree down, and bring the couch back in.

I am not ready mentally for Christmas. I've done all the major shopping, with the exception of one item for Lily and stocking stuffers. But things have been so fragmented with moving out last week, being home now, but still not settled. We've still barely been home. I have yet to wash laundry from last week. The rain doesn't help because we have to go outside to wash clothes. We don't wash them outside. That's how we get to the garage.

I want to bake. I want to fill my home with yummy smells. I want to bring goodies to my neighbors and my co-workers. I need to watch White Christmas. I have more Christmas cards to send out.

Tomorrow is my last day in the office for a week and a half. Which is good. As a pastor though, rarely can you fully disconnect. Hopefully I can get enough done tomorrow that I will be able to mostly disconnect.

I'm working on not coveting this holiday season. Bean and I aren't really doing gifts for each other this year. Our gift is the house. There were a few items that we weren't able to stay within the budget on (because you can't really find an entry door for $100) and if the contingency money written into the contract runs out, we'll need to pay the difference. If not, there are many things we need for the house. Well, things we want, but things that will help make this a home to be proud of, a complete home.

There are plenty of things I want. Plenty of things that people around me seem to have or be getting. But nothing that I need. I want to be content. I want to be thankful for what we have and that we are staying the course to pay off debt and stay within our budget. But I will tell you, coveting is very difficult to suppress.

Although I struggle wanting the ideal Christmas (decor, baking, gift-giving, Advent, Jesse Tree, discussions with my children), I'm thankful that this year the main focus is on family togetherness. There is simplicity. There isn't much distraction. Kind of like the night the Savior was born. Simplicity out of necessity.

I have rambled enough for one night.

Hopefully I'll remember to lock the house tomorrow.

Fit Friday: when fitness doesn't happen

2010-12-16T22:22:00.000-08:00

If you've been following me on Twitter or read my blog a few days ago, this has been a crazy week.

We received a grant from the housing commission to do some upgrades on our home. It's a huge blessing since we are getting new windows (to replace the originals from 1954), new countertops and a new sink, new tile in the bathroom, some new doors and more.

But due to lead content in old paint, we had to move out for a week. We've known for a few months this was coming, but there is only so much prep you can do. We've been staying in a 2-bedroom apartment with my mother-in-law. She has been so gracious and a wonderful hostess. But it's a 2-bedroom apartment.

We've also had several evening events and commitments this week. Along with Bean working two evenings.

There hasn't been a lot of exercise happening. Not for lack of desire, because with all the stress it's been the thing I wanted most. But I can't get up early and run on the treadmill nor can I do a DVD because it's a 2nd story and even walking across the floor is noisy.

There has been a lot of less than healthy eating. Part of the deal is that we got a food allowance for the time away from our home. Which is great because we've just bought convenience foods and eaten out as necessary. But I happen to like eating my "boring" foods that I eat every week.

Fitness has not been happening. I'm not even going to get on the scale for a few weeks. My body feels ok, but I'm sure I've gained a bit just from the abnormal diet. Which means once I'm back to my normal diet, the few pounds will drop off.

There are times in life, that fitness and healthy eating are next to impossible. Yes, I could have made some different decisions about my food, but it was better for my state of mind to just go with ease.

As long as everything goes according to plan, we'll be back in our house tomorrow night. We have a lot of settling to do since a lot of furniture had to be moved, counters cleared etc. But we'll be home. In our own beds. In our own rooms. With the kids having their own toys.

I WILL be back to fitness next week. I will get up early to run (even though I've slacked off a bit with the early mornings). I will eat my fruits, veggies, whole grains and lean protein. Oh, it sounds so refreshing just writing about it.

Unless you are a professional athlete, times like these are going to happen.

The key though, is to love your healthy routines enough (which means establishing ones that you love) that you are excited to get back to them.

Crazy as it is, I look forward to that 5:30am alarm on Monday, the concrete floor of the garage, the old creaky treadmill (thanks Sandra, I'm giving it lots of love!) and sweating out this past week.

How do you get back on track after a difficult week?

the mom I am

2010-12-15T11:23:00.000-08:00

Thank you so much for your supportive and encouraging comments on my last post. Unfortunately moms are one of the most competitive communities. Which is such a shame because each mom is different, each child is different, each life is different and you can't really compare how this all plays out.

So today, I want to toot my own horn. Because we worry about offending others, because we don't want to brag, because we don't want to sound stuck up or snobby, we don't give ourselves enough credit for the mom we are. I'm not saying I'm better than anyone else. I'm not looking down on anyone who's made different choices in their life. We are each unique and individual. That's okay, and it's good.

This, is the mom I am.

I am a working mom, who managed to bring my babies to work with me until they were 6 months old.

I pumped the life out of my boobs, in order to provide my children with that precious liquid gold, until they were one year old. A drop of formula never crossed their lips. (although I chose to supplement with a little bit of organic whole milk the last few months before they turned 1, when my supply started to dwindle)

I wear my babies, and my toddlers.

I rear-face my children until they are close to two years old. (well, not my first daughter, but I didn't really know better at that time)

I insist on some form of protein at almost every meal.

I co-slept with my babies, even though I thought I never would. Everyone got more sleep that way, and I cherish those memories of their tiny bodies nestled in as close as possible to my body.

I let my children eat their share of candy and treats, and they even drink Sprite at restaurants. (in their eyes, this makes me very cool)

My sick children sleep in bed with me, even though the idea of sleeping in their infectious germs gives me the creeps. (so far, I rarely get their illnesses)

I ignore housework, a lot, so that I can cuddle on the couch with my kids.

I let them lick the spoon, and the beaters, and wipe the bowl clean when we bake.

I put them to bed on time 75% of the time, because everyone is happier that way

We listen to a lot of worship music in the car and the house. We also listen to the radio and fun dance music.

I burp and fart. Hey, girls need to do know it's okay to do that stuff too. Although there are times we emphasize manners too.

I bring the older girls to church with me sometimes, at 7:30am on Sundays, even though they wreak havoc in my office and run through the hallways screaming (you think I jest, I don't, they really do). Because how often does a mom get to bring her kids to work with her.

I wake up early (sometimes) to exercise, so that I don't have to miss precious time with them later in the day.

When I get home from work, I gather my children to me, like a mother hen gathering her chicks, and we soak each other in.

This, and more, is the mom I am. The mom I am proud to be.

Your turn now. Toot your horn in the comments! What makes you stand out as a mom? What are you proud of? Nothing is off limits!

the mom I'm not

2010-12-14T22:18:00.000-08:00

I have quite a long list of blogs that come into my Google Reader. This gives me great reading material as I unwind before bed. I rarely read every post in every blog. I love finding a blog where I have something in common with the author, maybe they are also a runner, or they have all daughters, or another working mom. Sometimes I have nothing in common with them, but I enjoy their writing style or their take on life, or their life journey is fascinating.

Sometimes though while reading blogs, I'm overwhelmed by the mom I'm not. The mom I wish I was.

I am not the mom who is doing anything related to Advent with her children. I wish I was. There are so many wonderful and easy ideas out there. But finding the time to put it together, and having an opportunity each day to do it with the children--just isn't something I have the energy for.

I am not crafty. I don't often do crafts with my children. I don't do a good job decorating our home. I see things I like. I read blogs with great do-it-yourself ideas. But I'm not a crafty mom.

I rarely get to volunteer at my daughter's school.

I have spent very little time teaching my almost 4-year old letters and numbers.

I laugh at my kids when I should probably discipline them. I yell when I should be patient. I don't follow through with consequences.

These, and so much more, are the mom I'm not. It's easy to be disappointed in myself. To think I should try harder, do more. Make more an effort. Be more selfless.

Yet, I can't be defined by the mom I'm not. By the mom I think I should be.

Because I am a mom who is helping provide a good future for my children. And working is a huge dynamic in my mothering. My heart is to be home with my children. I believe one day, that will happen. But for now, I believe I'm doing what God wants me to do. My parents never owned a home. We usually had cars that broke down all the time. My parents weren't able to contribute to my college education. I love my parents dearly and I loved my life. But I have the opportunity right now, to set my family up differently and I don't want to waste it.

I am a mom who loves my children deeply. My favorite thing is to be with them. They are my priority. Yes, I take time for myself; I run, go out for girls nights, rare date nights with my husband. But these things make me a better mom, and I try to do them in such a way that has the least impact on my kids and my time with them.

I may not be crafty or good at imaginative play, but I will sit on the floor and let my kids crawl all over me. When the baby is crying, I'll hold her. When Gracie is grumpy, I cuddle her. When Miss Rose is exhibiting bad behavior, I'll first shower her with love and affection, because often that solves the problem.

I just love being a mom, being with my kids. The mom I'm not, doesn't define me. The mom I'm not, doesn't matter as much as sometimes I think it is. That's not the mom God made me.

Someday, I hope I have the time and energy to learn to be more crafty. As my children get older, we'll get to do more things like celebrating Advent and nightly Bible reading. I have to remind myself, they are young. There is time.

My kids don't know the mom I'm not. They just know the mom I am, and I know they love me.

which way is up?

2010-12-13T15:54:00.000-08:00

I am so incredibly disoriented in life, it's quite pitiful.

I love my routines and patterns. My kids thrive on them as well. Our life is never wrapped up in a box with a nice bow on it--but 50-75% of the time, things go as planned. Some semblance of routine is required to keep us on track with the demands of a working mom, a first grader, two little girls and the rest of life.

All that has been thrown out of the window in the last several days. Some was expected, some was not.

Last week, Bean got the opportunity to work some hours at his former part-time job at the church. It's short-term, but you can always use extra money, right? Especially this time of year. Especially when I unexplicabely broke a tooth last week and now have a temporary crown and will go back next week for the permanent one. Which will necessitate getting a new custom-molded mouth guard which prevents me from clenching my teeth at night, most likely a stress/tension related habit. But I have TMJ and am prone to headaches, so this mouth guard is a must for me. And it's super sexy when I talk with a lisp at night to Bean. Just ask him.

Anyhow, this means that Bean worked 5-6 hours on Thursday, Friday and Saturday evenings. In the midst of holiday extravaganzas and other such busyness, which I navigated on my own so that he could work. That was the unexpected, for which we are thankful though.

The expected was moving out of our house last night, for a week. The fact that it was expected, didn't make it any easier. So much couldn't be done until the day of or the night of. It was pointless to do much to prepare, which of course made me freak out in my head the last few weeks.

At 4:30pm last night, it began. I packed for myself and the kids. Clothes, toiletries, anything we might need. We got dinner, and bathed all the kids early. Headed over to his mom's apartment, where the kids proceeded to bounce off the walls for about thirty minutes, before we put them to bed. His mom likes to keep her house quite warm. We were broiling. The kids ended up sleeping in their underwear. We are having an odd heat wave right now. But still. It was hot. And she was wearing a sweatshirt.

Bean and I then returned to the house to gather the rest of what we needed. We also had to clear the floor, tub and vanity of the hall bathroom. We moved furniture away from windows (which are all being replaced). We had to clear off every surface in the kitchen (new granite countertops, whoo-hoo!). Technically since there is lead abatement involved, we aren't supposed to return to the house until it's cleared. However Bean was trying to convince me that it would be easier for him to return after work hours each night, to get what we needed for the next day. He's a raging lunatic sometimes.

Last night, Miss Rose & Gracie slept on a queen Aero Bed, I slept (kind of) on a twin bed and Lily was in a pack-n-play. Bean slept on the couch. None of us slept well. Miss Rose said she woke up every time she moved because the Aero bed was noisy. Lily woke at one point and was crying, so I brought her into bed with me for a bit.

It's just odd. Everything is out of sorts right now. And like the title says today, I have no idea which way is up, what time it is or what day it is today. The normal organized chaos of my life has become very unorganized chaos.

We are so thankful to my mother-in-law for opening her home to us, for Bean's grandma moving out for the week to give us a bedroom to spread our stuff out. The other option was staying in a residence hotel in a less than satisfactory part of town. This is much, much better.

Hopefully, the novelty has worn off and everyone will be good and tired tonight, and sleep well. The chaos continues though, because we have a holiday dinner to attend. Miss Rose will stay with Grammie so she can go to bed on time. The little girls will go to the home of a co-worker for the evening. Since Grammie watched the kids all day while I'm working, we didn't want to stick her with them all again tonight.

*Sigh* If you see me, in person, or in the interwebs, please show me which way is up.

I may not find it again until Sunday or Monday.

{but, I am doing my best to still choose joy because it's all for a reason, for a purpose and we will return to an upgraded house, for which we've barely had pay anything}

fit friday: holiday

2010-12-09T22:28:00.000-08:00

The holidays are upon us! Christmas is just two weeks away now. Parties, events and holiday cheer are in full effect! Co-workers are bringing in baked goods. Schedules are full, meaning life is hectic and nutritious eating and exercise are not always on the top of your priority list.

We all know how easy it is to gain weight during the holidays. Even just a few pounds can have a great impact on how you feel both in self-esteem and physically.

My goal is usually to maintain my weight during the holidays. If I have a losing goal (which it seems like I always do, because I'm always above my ideal weight) I put it on the back burner. You'd think with all the running I did for my half marathon, I would have lost several pounds. But if you've ever watched the Biggest Loser Marathon episode, those who train hardest usually lose the least weight. I'm okay with that. I am proud of my half marathon accomplishment and I have no regrets.

There is one very easy method I use to attempt to maintain my weight. It's easy, but it does take discipline.

I do my best to eat normal and nutritiously for as many meals as possible each day/week etc. I eat my oatmeal or cottage cheese like always in the morning. Basic lunches and balanced dinners; healthy snacks.

When an event or special food comes along, I will indulge a bit. I try not to overeat in these instances, but I enjoy the food. I enjoyed tri-tip, mashed potatoes, Caesar salad and pumpkin mousse at a dinner on Monday. I ate some pumpkin cake on Wednesday. Today was a "normal" day. I ate well today and I ran.

I feel like this approach is balanced. It works for me because if I deny myself too much, I'll over-indulge. And if I don't stick to my normal foods as much as possible, I'll eat way too much!

That's how I deal with all the extra calories at the holidays. How do you do it?

wordless wednesday: children's museum

2010-12-07T21:39:00.000-08:00

What do you do?

2010-12-06T22:30:00.000-08:00

What do you do, when your almost 2-year old decides yelling all the time is meaingful communication? And by yelling, I mostly mean yelling the world "no" over and over. And by yelling, I mean REALLY LOUD. What do you do, when she thinks it's funny to not come when you call? And she just looks at you with a smirk and says no. And when she does this all day long?

What do you do when your 3-and-a-half year-old is obsessed with potty talk and actions? As in, pulling down her tights and panties to moon her dad, completely out of the blue. (and to our knowledge and her confirmation, she hasn't ever seen this, she just felt like it). What do you do when she instead of giving you a goodnight kiss, she sticks her booty in your face and says "kiss my butt" even when you don't use the word "butt" in your house.

What do you do, when your first grader only has negative remarks and responses to just about everything in life? Even though her life really is quite good, she can only see the negative, which usually is what she perceives as negative. Or sometimes it seems like she fabricates negativity, just for the sake of being negative.

What do you do?

Oh, did you think I was going to answer the question?

I wish I could. I wish I could answer these questions. Because they plague me. I do my best to deal with each situation. But it's exhausting. And my punishments, the consequences, at the moment, don't seem to make a difference. My days and nights are filled with yelling, booties and negativity.

Welcome to my world.

Even so, I like my little world and the little people that live in it. But oh they are challenging.

balance part 2: sometimes, you gotta do nothing

2010-12-05T22:22:00.000-08:00

This is Part 2 in a brief series I'm blogging on finding balance in your life. Check out Part 1 here. I said I would post the next part the rest day. But I lied. Or actually, life just got in the way. But nonetheless, here's more. There is at least one more post to come, maybe two. I'm verbose.

Remember the pie of each day? Every day how you spend your time is going to vary. Your priorities are going to change with the needs of your family and the demands of life.

Guess what?

You can ALWAYS be doing something. You know. You've been there. You collapse onto the couch after you get the kids down for a nap, or down for the night. Staring you in the face is the laundry yet to be put away, the dishes piled in the sink, the empty lunch bag that needs to be filled for the morning. There is always something to do. That something sometimes is fun or entertaining. But it's still something.

But, you can always be doing NOTHING. The few moments to check your email or bank balance turns into two hours on Facebook and blog-hopping. (of course I've never done that, just heard it can happen) The housework and household management piles up.

Balance is know what to do, when to do it and when to not do anything.

Things have to get done. Picking up the living room, having a semi-clean kitchen and making my daughter's lunch the night before make for a much smoother morning in our household. That doesn't mean those things are always done every night. But most nights they are. That's something that does need to be done. Like I've said before, there are other things I don't worry about as much. My dresser is piled high with random papers, keepsakes and paraphernalia. But that's not something I feel pressured to take care of.

You know what your hot buttons are. You know what your husbands hot buttons are. My husband detests a sinkful of dirty dishes. On a Saturday when our family is home most of the day, he probably does dishes at least five times. No joke. I don't care as much about dirty dishes. I'd rather they pile up and then I'll do them all at once. But because I know how Bean gets with the kitchen, I almost always try to have the dishes done when he gets home from work (on the days I'm home). If I choose to do nothing, he immediately goes to the kitchen to wash dishes when he gets home from work, which sometimes annoys me.

But some days, if I've been on a big outing with the kids or done a lot of errands or maybe I'm just exhausted, I'll let the kitchen slide. And Bean lives. There are days that I choose to do nothing that can wait. Because it's right for that day. Because I want to snuggle my kids on the couch while we have downtime and I need to just lose myself in mindless reading or television.

That's balance.

When I lack balance in my life, when I do too much or when I don't do enough, I pay the price. I crash on the days I'm off. I spiral downward. Bean loves when I use that phrase. It's not a good sign. By the end of my workweek, I'm a mess. I have no motivation to do the things I need to do or should do. I don't eat right. I don't exercise. One negative thought turns into about 1,000 and all of the sudden I'm finding every little thing wrong with life and it's the end of the world. I may appear to have it all together, but this really does happen. Inside, I'm falling apart.

When I have balance in my life, I am happy and fulfilled. I find joy in the small things, even if the big picture isn't what I would like it to be. The things that are un-done don't bother me. I am thankful for the blessings in my life. I can see the blessings in my life. I recognize the value of eating well and exercising.

If you stop to think on it, you can probably identify similar patterns in your own life.

What happens when you lack balance in your life?

What does it look like when you know what needs to be done, when to do it and when do not do anything?

red

2010-12-04T21:57:00.000-08:00

I don't think I could love her more.

al rescate {oh gracie #2}

2010-12-03T08:56:00.000-08:00

Gracie is a fan of Go, Diego, Go. She is an animal lover. Where the girl is, some sort of stuffed animal isn't far away. Right now it's mostly dogs.

(this dog is actually a real one...but can you see the love on her face? it was halloween, hence the dress. however, such attire isn't that uncommon for her.)

Gracie is also frequently constipated.

I know, big topic change here. Stick with me.

A few days ago Gracie was in the bathroom again, trying to work things out. It had been a few days since things had been worked out and her tummy was hurting.

Me: "Did your poop come out?"

Gracie: "NO! My poop is stuck. I think someone needs to rescue it."

(she rocks outfits like this all the time. notice the two different colored gloves, among other fabulous-ness)

Oh Gracie!

Hello out there

2010-12-01T21:43:00.001-08:00

I'm writing this on my phone with a baby on my chest. Lily has a slight case of pneumonia. But that still means she's been running a fever for 3 days and is pretty miserable.

She's slept with us some or all of the last several nights. Her fever is finally coming down. I'm not sure if her refusal to continue sleeping in her bed right now is due to not feeling well or a new habit.

We had a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday, but it's been back to the daily grind this week and last week already feels like a distant memory. I am now counting down to our family time at Christmas.

My goal is to have our Christmas shopping done in the next week. We have to move out on the 12th for a week while our windows are replaced as well as other work in the house. Christmas will be a week away when we move back in. I want to enjoy the season and rush around.

I've been reflecting a lot on the verse in James that says "Count it all joy when you face trials of any kind." Everyday has trials. They come in all shapes and sizes. The challenge is to count them joy.

Joy when the kids make a mess again.
Joy when the checking account is running on empty.
Joy when we are kicked all night by a sick baby in our bed.
Joy while we wait on God to move mountains.

Joy to the world, the Lord has come.

This is a season of joy. And even when faced with trials, I want to count each and every one joy.

You all can hold me accountable.

(and I confess I'm struggling to count the baby who won't sleep in her bed, again, a joy. But, she will only be this young and small once. And I do love cuddling her.)

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

oh Gracie!

2010-11-27T20:23:00.000-08:00

Oh Gracie! This girl, she dances to the beat of her own drummer.

She loves her sisters, but mostly enjoys playing independently. She is on the brink of becoming a little girl, but still holds on to some of her baby/toddler ways.

The things that come out of this girl's mouth! They make me laugh. And they scare me.

"I don't want to wear the striped tights {ribbed}. Tigers like stripes on their backs but little girls don't like them on their legs."

The other day Gracie whacked me on the bum out of the blue. I said, "why did you do that?" Her response was, "Well, I like when I hit my own bum." At which point she stuck her bum out and slapped it. Oh boy.

Last night we celebrated my youngest sister's birthday. Don't all 24-year-olds want to dance to "Whip My Hair" and "Single Ladies" with their nieces and nephews? It was a paarr-tay! After saying goodbye to some family, we walked back into the house. Gracie pointed to my sister and said, "can we keep her?" Melt.Your.Heart.

Oh, and tonight. In the midst of another dance party (we're doing a lot of this lately) Gracie stopped and came and sat next to me. She looked at me and said, "I need a break. My nipples are sore." WHAT?

I have no words. Well, two words. OH GRACIE!

I'm afraid this post might become a regular series.

thankful

2010-11-25T06:05:00.000-08:00

I have many things to be thankful for. Wonderful children, a great family, awesome friends. Our house is in the midst of renovations that are mostly *free* (once we live here 10 years). We have a brand new automatic garage door, a new pantry and cupboards and drawers and more to come.

But, I'm dedicating this Thanksgiving post to my husband. For whom I am extraordinarily grateful.

Bean is an amazing husband. He contributes so much to the family. He makes dinner about half of the week. And he always does the dishes because that's what he loves. He does all the yardwork and landscaping. He does a lot of household and children's laundry (I fold and put away).

I almost never have to get gas in the van. Bean willingly does almost all of our store runs. Even when it's 3 times in one day. Because he'll go for one thing. And then we'll realize we need something else. And then I forget to have him get milk, so he goes one more time. Luckily the grocery store is two short blocks away!

He is a great support to my ministry. It's impossible to be in vocational ministry without the support of your spouse. He always is on kid duty on Sundays. Getting three girls to church isn't always the easiest thing. Bean is a fantastic father. The girls love him so much. When we are driving home after work they always want to know if he's home already and when they see his car, it's like we arrived at Disneyland.

As a working mom, in a not always traditional job, I need the help and support of my husband so much. I rely on his involvement. It's one of the reasons I haven't had a nervous breakdown. Bean talks me down when I'm on the edge. He listens. He prays.

I am so thankful for the husband God blessed me with. He is everything I wanted, and so much more. Sure we banter and bicker. We get annoyed with each other. But in the end, there is no one else we'd rather share this life with--the ups and the downs.

These are the words to the first song we ever danced to. Bean catches me, every time.

can you sleep as the sound hits your ears, one at a time?
an unspoken balance here,
unabridged for so many years
that i should stare at receivers to receive her isn't fair
don't worry i'll catch you
don't ever worry
your arms in mine, anytime
i wouldn't trade anything
you're still my everything
to my surprise, before my eyes, you arrive
don't worry I'll catch you
don't ever worry
i'm still breaking old habits, habits when you pulled the wool over me
i can see everything, everything remembering "jinx removing"
don't worry i'll catch you

don't ever worry
no need for reminding... you're still all that matters to me

let's get it started!

2010-11-23T22:05:00.000-08:00

Tonight is the first night of my holiday! I decided to take tomorrow off from work. It would have been a half day, but the energy required for waking, readying and feeding children, dropping them off and getting to work just wasn't worth it!

This way I can have a relaxing morning, get my house in order, shop for baking and cooking and just soak in my kids. Because that's what I love to do on my days off.

I started my holiday with a fabulous run. I got started a little later than intended, so I was under the gun to finish before it was pitch black and before my husband and/or children imploded. Well, really they do fine without me; they just like when I'm there too.

My legs were feeling spry and springy, so I decided to take off at a faster pace than normal. Then I decided to just push it the whole run. If I can run 4-5 miles around 9:00/mile on a treadmill, I should be able to transfer that to the road. There were a few times I had to slow down because I was getting a side-stitch, but mostly I was booking it.

As it got darker and darker, that was even more impetus to be speedy. I usually run on the street because the asphalt is better than concrete sidewalks. But it got too dark for me to feel safe since I really wasn't dressed for night running. I had to be careful on the sidewalks because there are uneven breaks and bumps from tree roots.

I was pretty happy when I finished to see that I ran almost 3.75 miles and my pace was 9:30. I just need to keep pushing myself. I have been thinking it would be fun to run the same half marathon for the next few years just for the sake of trying better my time each year.

It was a good start to what should be several great days. No one is sick or injured as of right now. family is coming in.

There are days that I'm overwhelmed and discouraged. There are things I wish were different, and maybe one day will be.

But overall, I truly love my life.

running through my head

2010-11-22T22:13:00.000-08:00

I see that this is my 500th post. Had I noticed I was nearing that mark before, maybe I would have planned something special. Let's be honest though, I would have had great intentions, but it probably still wouldn't have happened.

So much in my life seems to be low priority right now. High priority is just living, loving my kids and paying bills. Well--loving God of course is the highest. I have projects I'd like to complete, ideas for decorating and organizing, books I want to read. But most days all that falls to the wayside for sake of survival. It's a good survival, don't get me wrong. I just wish I had time to do more than survive.

Last Wednesday night I dragged myself into Bible Study. I was tired at the end of my work-week as I always am. I saw an empty seat and dropped into it asking if it was free. In jest one of the ladies said "yes, but it's going to cost you." Sometimes I can come up with some witty in a situation like that. Not that night. All I could be was brutally honest. Without even thinking about it I said, "it's the end of my work week and I have nothing to give." Which was true. We laughed about it. But I must say I caught myself off guard with the exchange.

I've been thinking today on my optimistic spirit. I guess it's good to be an optimist. But that also means you trust too easily and aren't as cautious as you should be in some situations. And it's so hard to understand pessimists. I find myself being too judgemental. And I repent and ask God to help me with my attitude. And then I pray for those I have trouble understanding.

God seems to be sending a lot of pessimists my way. I don't really appreciate this learning experience. I struggle with knowing how to relate to others who approach life differently. Usually I just want to scream. But I don't. My other instinct is to climb inside my bubble and close out most of the world. If I don't hear it or read it than it won't affect me. But that's not a healthy approach either. I'm still figuring it out I guess.

I'm really looking forward to the holiday this week. I decided to take Wednesday off from work. I have a lot of vacation time built up. Which means I'm not using it. I probably should use more of it. I plan to get organized for cooking and baking and having my sisters in town. They know my house is usually messy, and I think they have grace for me, but I like to pretend I keep things better organized when the come to town.

I desperately want to experience the holidays this year. Two years ago we were closing on the house during the holiday season and work began to ready it for us to move in. I was also large with child. It was a stressful time. Last year we were more settled and we did have some special family moments, but Lily was still under a year old. I was nursing and pumping which takes time and energy. I had some intentions that were never realized.

This year, I want to put up Christmas lights outside. Even if it's just a few strands on our porch. I want to make Christmas goodies to share with family and friends. I want to read the Christmas story as a family. I don't want this year to pass by.

My babies are growing and that makes me a bit sad. Next year Lily will be leaving toddlerhood and talking in complete sentences. There is something so precious to me about celebrating the holdays babies and young children. It's especially magical for me. In fact, had God not sent Lily in his timing, my timing would have been a babe born between September and November. A snuggly newborn to photograph in a stocking for Christmas.

I digress. I could talk about babies forever.

I am such a work in progress. My brain is working overtime lately to figure me out. To figure out what God is doing with this mess. To him I know that I am a beautiful mess, but most days I can't see the beautiful part. I see my flesh and how far off the mark I am. There are so many paths right now I don't have the courage to travel down. This hanging in the balance though, isn't so great either.

I need about two solid hours of loud, intense worship and a good cry.

Pumpkin SURPRISE

2010-11-20T20:34:00.000-08:00

I write a lot about fitness and running.

But I strongly believe in balance and enjoying life.

Such as holidays. They should be enjoyed. With good food.

For the past few years, I have a tradition of burning a lot of calories on Thanksgiving morning. It started sisters extended, with a homemade Turkey Trot we called the "Pie k". You ran as many "k" as you could for the sake of eating pie later! We even had tank tops we wrote our favorite foods on. The next year it poured rain and our Pie k got moved to the gym.

I haven't quite decided what calorie burn I'll have on Thursday, but one of the reasons is this.

Pumpkin SURPRISE

It's a different take on pumpkin pie and it's so yummy.

1 lb can of pumpkin
1 12-oz can of evaporated milk
cinnamon
clove
ginger
(in whatever amount you like. you can use the amounts on the can of pumpkin for pie--or use pumpkin pie spice)
1.5 cups sugar
4 eggs

Mix together and smooth into a 9x11 pan

On the top of the pie mix sprinkle 1 yellow cake mix
Melt 2 sticks of butter (1 cup) and pour evenly over the cake mix.
Top with pecans.

You can use whole pecans and lay them across the entire pan or you can chop them up as chunky or as fine as you like. Or you can do half and half. Or you can skip the pecans.

Bake at 350 for 1 hour.

Skeptical? Give it a try early this week. Bring it to work. Send it with your husband to work. Or you may just keep it for yourself.

Happy pre-Thanksgiving weekend!

Fit Friday: Race Wrap-up

2010-11-19T14:30:00.000-08:00

I promise, this is the last time I will blog about this race! Obviously, it's been pretty consuming--in a good way. Just a few more things I want to process, and then I'm moving on!

I realized through this process that there is a lot of science and wisdom behind training schedules. As I've said before, this was the first time I'd followed a training schedule. For my birthday in June, Bean got me a subscription to Runner's World. One of the first issues I got was all about Half Marathon's. One article had several training schedules based on specific time goals. I chose to do the training schedule for a two-hour half. I felt that it was good goal because my typical pace was similar what I run.

I feel like the training schedule played a huge part in my ultimate time. I knew from my speed days and tempo runs that I could run 8 and 9 minute miles. I learned what my body felt like at different paces, which helped me gauge where I was at during the race. Especially after I did my 13 mile training run. It wasn't the greatest run and so I knew I could finish the half marathon in less time.

I haven't been able to run all week though, which has killed me! My toe is very tender and I haven't want to subject it to shoes yet. I think I may give it a try tomorrow. My body and soul are aching to run. I miss sweating. This experience makes me thankful I haven't sustained any major injuries while running.

Up next, I want to keep running but also work on strength and toning. This takes much more discipline for me. I have a three month membership to 24-Hour fitness that I can activate at any time. I also have several boot camp sessions I've bought at major discounts, so those will help too. I think strengthening my upper body and core will help me perform better in running--and feel better too!

Miss Rose is dying to play some computer games, so I'm done here for now!

Happy Fitness!

Wordless Wednesday

2010-11-17T06:31:00.000-08:00

family photos

2010-11-16T20:43:00.000-08:00

I feel a bit schizophrenic when it comes to family photos. On the one hand, I want the picture perfect shot with everyone looking and smiling, every hair in place, with personalities shining through. On the other hand, I'm all about reality. Reality is, Miss Rose doesn't care for taking photos most of the time. Gracie gets very goofy and we are lucky to get Lily to look at the camera and smile at the same time.

It's been a few years since I sent out Christmas cards. Life has just been too overwhelming. But this year, I am determined to do it. I love receiving photo cards in the mail and I want to be on the giving end as well this year.

We have two shots at getting a good photo this year. Opportunity #1 actually went really well. I kinda want to share it today, but I haven't decided if I will. I might save it for later :)

Shutterfly is giving bloggers the opportunity for 50 free photo cards this year and I'm so excited! I've used Shutterfly for years for many things! Photo prints, enlargements, photo books and calendars. They are fast, easy and great quality!

Some of the top runners for our card this year are:

I love the classic, polished look of it!

This one is great for sharing multiple photos...if I have that many decent ones to share!

Another strong contender!

Check out all the photo card options here! There are also folded cards.

Too busy or overwhelmed this holiday season? Then check out the Valentine's Day Cards!! These would be so fun to send out.

Once I choose a photo and create a card, I'll share it here. So, you'll just have to wait :)

Are you a blogger who'd like to get 50 free cards yourself? Go here and sign up with Shutterfly It's that easy.

I ran my heart out

2010-11-15T20:30:00.000-08:00

This was a good weekend. I achieved two goals, realized two dreams in my life.

I taught my first course. The whole reason I went to seminary for my Master's degree was because I had an interest in teaching at the college level. But things like marriage, jobs and babies have put goals like that on the back burner.

Our church recently began hosting a School of Ministry for those seeking ministers credentials. I taught the first of a two-part Old Testament class. I love the Old Testament and I loved teaching this class. I've had some incredible, intelligent professors (as in: one's name is in many NIV Bible's). Compared to them, I know so little. But I have the heart for it. And I think I was able to stir the student's hearts as well, and that was my goal.

And of course, the update you've been perhaps waiting for.

I ran the race. And for me, I ran it really well. And I'm really happy and proud.

When I crossed the finish line, the clock read 2:12. I knew it had taken me a few minutes to cross the start, so I was anxiously awaiting the chip results. And they read:

2:12:21

2:09:25

9:53

I ran13.1 miles in less than 2 hours and 10 minutes and I my average pace was UNDER ten minutes an hour. This is a BIG deal for me people. That 10-minute mile has been a wall I couldn't break for a few years now.

But I couldn't have done it by myself. So, here are some shout-outs.

To my husband who has endured my 5:30am wake-ups for months now. I know you rarely go back to sleep after I get up, but you never complain. And you put up with me taking a few hours out of our only family day to run double-digit miles.

To my children, who don't like when mommy leaves on Saturday mornings, but are good sports.

To my sister, who invited me to go running for the first time 6 years ago.

To my high school friend, who I haven't seen since high school, but had her mom deliver her old treadmill to my house, when I put a silly plea out on Facebook (not thinking I'd get a response)

To my friend, who helps me find and get the right shoes.

To the Shredheads and those who Run Like A Mother for always inspiring me to be like you.

To the many blogs I follow written by running moms.

To the friends and family who registered for the race too. It was a blast to see you before, during and after the race. Let's do it again soon.

To the guy with spikey hair and the girl with the blonde ponytail who were my muses during the race. I don't know you, but I got to know your backs pretty well. I liked your pace and tried to stick with you. I'd lose you, but then I'd speed up and find you again. And when I had to stop at mile 10 and use the bathroom, my whole goal was to catch up to you again. Which I did, and I finished right behind you.

Thank you.

I ran my heart out. And almost ran my legs off too, judging by how I'm hobbling around today. My blister got bigger (I think I'm going to have to drain it). And I almost ran my toenail off. Gracie finished the job tonight by pouncing on my foot. My toenail was seriously hanging by two threads of skin, which I cut off. Bloody mess, but not gushing.

I'm still so tired today. But it was oh so worth it!

(yes, this photo is a microcosm of my life. no child actually smiling at the camera.)

mommy days

2010-11-10T21:47:00.000-08:00

It's Wednesday night. By this time of the week I'm pretty exhausted. Four full days of work and life. Add in a sick baby girl this week--which means a little less sleep and interrupted sleep--and it's been a week.

Wednesday night is also a great night because it means "mommy days" are coming up. When Miss Rose was little she always wanted to know what the plan for the day was. Somehow I started identifying the day by who she would be with--especially since her week has always been split between different family members and a daycare for a while too. The days I was home we called "Mommy days.'

This title has carried on of course, and now Gracie often asks if "today is a Mommy day".

I love Mommy days. They love Mommy days.

Tomorrow will be extra fun because Miss Rose is off school for Veterans Day. I think we're heading to the Children's Museum. I recently scored a family membership for 1/2 off. We haven't ever been before, but I hear it's lots of fun--very hands on. I'm sure it will be kind of busy since it's a holiday, but we'll give it a shot.

Over at Work, Wife, Mom....Life it's Working Mommy Wednesday and Julia wants to know about lunch habits! I'm sure this is just going to be fascinating.

Well, I'm in the office three days a week. I usually bring lunch two days and buy out one day. Tuesdays are our staff meetings and we always go out to lunch afterwards. I try to keep my meal at $15 or less. Sometimes I wish I didn't spend that money each week, but it's an important time for fellowship and relationship with my co-workers.

When I bring my lunch, what I bring often depends on how much time I have to prepare it. Peanut butter & jelly is a fan favorite. Seriously. I love that sandwich. A great mix of protein and carbs, sweet and salty and I usually have it on whole grain bread. A new favorite is using sandwich thins, toasting them and putting egg salad on them. I also love this recipe--so easy and tasty. I haven't made it in a few weeks. I think it's time. I also usually have a piece of fruit, and maybe something crunchy. More often than not, I have a few small pieces of candy too, if I have to be honest. I don't bring it...but one of the offices is always stocked and I have a hard time not going in there!

That's what's for lunch!

sweetest days//cyber baby book

2010-11-08T21:42:00.000-08:00

I've been terrible about keeping a baby book for Lily. I have one. And I will fill it in someday, using the things I've recorded here on my blog.

Lily has a pretty extensive vocabulary already. Perhaps my memory is fuzzy, but it seems like she is saying a lot more at 22 months than the other girls were. I'm sure much of that comes from being the youngest and trying to keep up with her big sisters.

Here are many of the things Lily says. And the way she says them.

Hold you
Button--butt-y
Milk-miik
Water
Baby
Yes, yeah, no (often she says these in a sing-song voice...so adorable!)
Brush (for brushing teeth)
C'mere
Help you
Mine
Hi
Hello (usually refers to the phone)
Sprinkle (Sunday, in reference to a donut)
Baby
Dog
Stop
Mine
Names of about 8 family members and several friends too
Hug
Kiss
Happy to you (happy birthday)
Rocka-baby (Rock-a-bye-Baby)
Buckle (in the carseat)

There are so many more too! She repeats most anything and adds it to her vocabulary.

Lily loves to help push the stroller. It's a lot easier when I have the smaller umbrella stroller. But she insists on bending down to find something to push on the jogger too.

She is still incredibly attached to her Wubby. That's the brand name. But she calls it the Wee-Ooo. It's pretty much the cutest thing. I need to get it on video before she stops saying it that way.

How you see it in this picture is the ideal placement of the Wubby. She wants the tag, close to her nose while she sucks her two middle fingers on her left hand. Miss Rose and Gracie love finding her blanket for her because she gets so happy about it!

Lily and Gracie fight over babies every day. Whichever doll one has, is the one the other one wants. Even though we must have like 20 dolls. Seriously, I had like three dolls as a kid. Which I still have and the kids play with. But my kids have SO many already. Only a few were actually purchased by us.

Lily is absolutely precious with the dolls. She cradles them or puts them over her shoulder while patting their back and saying "shhhh." She rocks them, wraps them in blankets, carries them in a sling (as pictured above) and feeds them bottles. She sways and bounces. It's incredible how much she has picked up on how a baby is cared for.

I am in denial that my sweet baby is going to turn two in just a few months. I'm in denial that soon I won't have a baby any longer, I'll have a toddler. I'm in denial that these last few months are my last months having a baby at all. I'm such a baby-junkie. If Bean wasn't snipped, I'd probably be talking him into another baby at this point. Just one more, I promise. Sigh.

I may just go pick her up and cuddle her while she sleeps tonight.

These are the sweetest days.

on achieving balance (hint: impossible)

2010-11-07T21:41:00.000-08:00

Earlier this year I had the pleasure of speaking at a mom’s group that a college friend helps lead. While there, I also met another blogger. I had come across her blog not too long before meeting her and was intrigued because she is a mom to three girls and I knew of her husband and their band from my college days also. Check out her blog. You’ll keep going back.

Anyhow, I digress.

Back when I spoke, I intended to share the content here on my blog. But time got away from me, and then I couldn’t find my notes. I thought I had it typed up on my computer, but all I could find was an outline with blanks. And I couldn’t remember all the fill-in’s. But last week while reading one of my Bible’s, I found my original notes!

So I can finally share them here with you. I’m going to break it up though into a few days of posts because otherwise it will be too long. I get wordy.

As moms, I think we often strive for balance in our lives. We want to have all our ducks in a row. We want to have a clean and organized home, homemade meals, laundry clean and put away, time for ourselves, time with our husbands and to be showered would be nice too. All in the same day.

When was the last time that happened for you? Oh, and for me and other working moms---add in working to that balanced day too.

But honestly, it’s not realistic.

Balance, is defined as a state of equilibrium or equipoise; equal distribution of weight, amount, etc.

This sort of balance, where there is equal distribution is almost impossible. As a mom, as human being living on earth, things are always changing. You can’t predict which day your baby will take that glorious three-hour nap giving you plenty of time to catch up on the housework as well as your favorite TV show. Because it could just as easily be the day your baby is teething and refuses to nap more than thirty minutes at a time.

As a working mom, illness is what often throws the wrench into my “perfect balance.” When my kids or my caregivers are sick, it often means I lose time at work. So I’m trying to work at home. Or trying to get more done in less time. And the balance goes out the door. Because then I get stressed, and I have anxiety over what I’m not getting done and because I’m caring for a sick child, I’m not getting anything else done.

The list goes on for what disrupts balance; car trouble, weather, broken appliances, or fill-in-the-blank.

I prefer a different definition of balance when it comes to motherhood.

Balance does not necessarily mean equal. If your life were represented by a pie (mine would be apple crumb if you’re wondering), you are not going to be able to cut that pie in equal pieces each day. Some days, one piece of the pie will need to be bigger than the others.

Three days a week, when it’s all said and done, about 11 hours of my day are devoted to work. It begins when I wake up—and maybe run on the treadmill—and get myself and the kids out of the door (with Bean’s help too), work and then pick the kids up and get home. Even once we are home, the time goes quickly and I’m tired from a long day, and trying to maximize the time I do have with my kids. Housekeeping is usually low on the list—the smallest piece of the pie.

The days that I am at home, balance swings more towards housework and quality time with children. The hardest days for me are those where I truly need downtime and I don’t push myself to accomplish much. I feel guilty, selfish and lazy. I want to have that perfectly put together home and fully homecooked meal ready for dinner. But the pace of my life catches up with me sometimes, and I need a semi-catatonic day to reboot.

Instead of feeling guilty that you aren’t getting it all done in one day, look at the big picture. It gets done, when it needs to get done, when you can get it done, when what’s most important has already been done.

Balance is individual. I am amazed at the status updates I read on Facebook from a college friend of mine. She never stops moving! When her kids are napping or sleeping at night, she’s doing laundry and housework. When my kids sleep, I sometimes don’t do anything! But obviously for her, as a stay at home mom, cleanliness and organization and completion of tasks are important to her.

We all have our priorities. We all have those areas of our house that need to be clean or organized, lest we go crazy. We also have those areas that aren’t as important.

My balance is extremely individual. I am a working mom in a position where I am the only one who can do most of my duties. Sundays are workdays for me. Yet, I’m off two weekdays. Sometimes my job requires evenings or weekends. It’s not just a job, it’s a calling, a lifestyle, it’s emotionally demanding at times.

I get in trouble when I compare my life to the life of a stay-at-home-mom, or a mom who can leave work at work. My life is unique. Thus my approach to my life must be unique. And the balance I must achieve varies from week to week and I am the only one who can determine it.

We all have different personalities. Our priorities and needs in life are individual. And how we cut that pie each day will be different. And that’s okay.

Own your own sense of balance. Don’t judge another mom for her sense of balance.

Take a deep breath and live your life, according to how God made you. Just like it says in Ecclesiastes, there is a time for everything. It does not specify how much time for each thing. Because it’s different for each of us.

Just to recap…

Balance is almost impossible

Balance does not necessarily mean equal

Balance is individual

More tomorrow!

rough run

2010-11-06T21:36:00.000-07:00

Most of my runs are pretty enjoyable. It takes me a mile or two to find my groove, especially for longer runs, but I find it. I may have minor discomfort or difficulty, but I push through and overcome it.

Today, I'm a mess! I guess it's better that it's today, one week before the race, than on race day.

First of all, I just really wasn't feeling my run this morning. But I knew that meant I needed to get it done sooner rather than later, so I began my slow preparations. Finally I was on the road. Just got to get 'er done was my mantra. I didn't need to try to run fast, I just needed to get those 11 miles in.

I had a couple hot spots on my toes that bothered me off and on while running. My stomach also kept cramping quite a bit, but I pushed through. I'm telling 'ya, that 10 mile mark is my magic place. I was still feeling decent at 10 miles. That last mile to 11 though--I felt like I was running in quicksand, or wet cement, or water jogging. You get the picture.

The worst was once I was home. My stomach was not happy. I have a ginormous blister on the inside of my left big toe. I have a couple other small blisters on my right toes. I chafed on the inside of my arms, at the bottom of my armpits.

My stomach has not let up. I was somewhat functional, but not a "feeling great" functional. I did make it on one errand this afternoon, but that's it. I had to cancel plans I had tonight because of this darn crampy stomach.

I think the main culprit was milk and cereal. I don't think I've had milk before a long run, and a few people said it can upset your tummy. I haven't really been able to eat and drink today like I normally would after expending over a thousand calories. Luckily, eating and drinking doesn't make me feel worse--but since it doesn't make me better, it's not too appealing. I've still been doing it though.

I am just hoping that after sleeping tonight, I'll be all better in the morning. This has not been a fun day. And I need that blister to go away by the weekend. Should I pop it? Usually they dry out or pop on their own. I may be questioning someone at the running store later this week.

Speaking of rough...we've had to say goodbye already to our dog. Such a bummer! We had him for all of three days. But he was oh so sad because he was raised with other dogs and he was not ok with being the only dog. All he did was lay and sleep. He didn't want to play or interact with us at all. He had a major case of depression.

Luckily Bean knew of someone looking for a companion for their dog--and it was love at first site today for them all. So Lucky aka Reggie aka Tucker is in a new home now. The girls are bummed, but they understand. They were disappointed that he didn't want to play with him. He was such a sweet, well-behaved dog. But he's much happier now.

We're going to wait a bit now, to figure out it we want to find another dog or not. We found out the day we were getting Reggie that we have to move out of our house for a week in December while they do lead abatement. Yikes!!

Here's hoping tomorrow is smooth all around!

Fit Friday: you are what you eat

2010-11-04T22:50:00.000-07:00

Well, that's not exactly what I'm going to write about, but at 10pm at night, it's the most creative thing I can come up with! I'm not going to be long-winded today. I was looking back at previous Fit Friday posts and man I love to write long.

A local trainer shared this today on Facebook.

To keep Holiday pounds at bay... "Eat like a king for breakfast, a queen for lunch & a starving college student for dinner.

Basically saying--eat a big breakfast, a medium lunch and a light dinner.

I don't know about you, but that's kind of opposite of my instincts and habits. I want to eat a lighter breakfast so that I have as many calories left for later in the day. Lunch is usually quick, while I'm working at my desk or while I'm rushing to feed the kids. Dinner and late night is when I'm more relaxed and have more time to enjoy food.

But these last several months, I have realized the truth to the above statement.

When I eat more during the first part of the day, I am noticeably less hungry later in the day. On Tuesdays I eat lunch out with my co-workers. I do my best to choose items that are reasonable in calories and nutrition, but it's usually still a "big" lunch. And on Tuesday nights, I'm rarely very hungry for dinner. In fact, often I don't eat a full dinner--just something light.

If I have protein as part of my breakfast (eggs, plain yogurt or cottage cheese) I don't get hungry until lunch. Protein is a must for lunch too, or else I'll eat my way through the afternoon.

My goal during the holidays is always to maintain my weight. I don't deny myself holiday foods or meals. I'm sure I'll eat seconds (or thirds) of desserts and things I don't always indulge in. Life and the holidays are for enjoying and I have no desire to deprive myself.

When I know there is a special meal or event coming up, I make a point to eat well the rest of the day. Dinner out isn't a reason to eat crappy the other meals of the day.

Let me clarify though, I don't eat great 100% of the time. Maybe not even 75%. That's one reason why I love running--it counteracts the handfuls of kettlecorn I ate today, or the dips into the kids candy yesterday. I eat a donut about once a week and Bean usually talks me into ice cream one night a week. When I bake something (which I love to do) I'm in big trouble, because I love homebaked goods!

We should enjoy life. Which means enjoying food. But not to the detriment of our health. Because giving our bodies the nutrition and activities they need is enjoyable too.

What's your plan for making it to the holidays without losing the ground you may have gained in 2010??

honest

2010-11-03T22:05:00.000-07:00

How often are you honest with yourself? With others? I spend a lot of time being not honest. Mostly with myself, but that bleeds over into my interactions with others. It's not that I want to be dishonest. It's usually that I don't like my emotions or opinions. So I pretend they aren't there. Or that they aren't that big of a deal.

But I know that's not healthy. And so I've been trying more to be honest. Mostly with myself. I'm finding that when I'm honest with myself, God can speak to me more.

If I'm being honest, being a working mom is really hard. And it breaks my heart to leave my babies, even though I have an ideal work situation.

If I'm being honest, I know that I'm supposed to be a working mom right now. If I wasn't working, we wouldn't have been able to buy our home, which also provides a home for my parents.

If I'm being honest, I hope and pray that by working now, someday in the future I'll have the opportunity to not work. I firmly believe that God gives us the desires of our heart as we delight in him, and that desire is as strong as ever, so I know it will be fulfilled one day.

If I'm being honest, I'm thrilled that God has provided for us to have thousands of dollars of renovations on our house, that we won't have to pay for thanks to grants. I know that's one of His blessings, and a sign that we are right where we are supposed to be in life.

If I'm being honest, my kids are rather disrespectful with their speech and attitude towards us. We are trying so hard to correct this, but are at a loss sometimes. It's embarrassing. I blame myself. I blame my fatigue from such a full life and laziness too.

If I'm being honest, I'm not good at "playing with" my kids. I feel like I should be. But I'm not. I love having them around and interacting with them. But I feel like I need to play more.

If I'm being honest, I am richly blessed. Rick Warren has said "no matter how bad things are in your life, there is always something good you can thank God for." Things in my life aren't bad. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and I feel like they are. But I have so much to be thankful for.

If I'm being honest, I am a work in process. I will always be. I just want to love God, love my husband and raise my children to love God too.

I like being honest.

**this is linked up with Julia for Working Mommy Wednesday.